Luke 8.25 But He said to them, "Where is your faith?" And they were afraid, and marveled, saying to one another, "Who can this be? For He commands even the winds and water, and they obey Him!"
A sister in Christ at my local church lost her baby this weekend at about 20 weeks pregnant when she delivered it in the car on the way to hospital. This has struck me as one of the most horrifically sad things that could happen to a woman and has been haunting my thoughts and dreams.
This woman, like me, struggled with infertility and wanted more children. But, infertility can be cruel. And, it has often tested my faith more than anything that’s happened to me so far in my life. I remember asking for a copy of the little empty ultrasound that confirmed we had lost our angel. That empty little spot was just a grain of the emptiness I felt at the lost of my first pregnancy.
And, those struggles happened so early in my marriage that it really transformed the relationship into something I hadn’t anticipated and that I’m still getting used to. Our intimate life was transformed by it. And, some of our best, most touching moments so far as well as some of our worst came out of trying to get pregnant.
Due to my recent busyness with my little Vikings, I haven’t been singing on the praise and worship team, as has been my habit the last three years. It’s too much to juggle trying to get a two-year-old to go to the toddler room or to grandma plus get the 3 month old to stop crying and/or not be hungry all at the same time. I miss praising and honoring God this way. So, I was contemplating doing a “special” of a song I wanted to share with my church family about how I was feeling lately. The song was “Praise You In The Storm” by Casting Crowns. The first verse and chorus:
I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears awayS
tepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen"and it's still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy fallsI raise my hands and praise the God
Who gives and takes away
I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For you are who you are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm
As I look again at these lyrics with my church sister in mind, my storm has been a tempest in a teacup compared to hers. My struggles with being a new mom again and balancing the two kids- miracles instead of something to be whined about. When did I become so ungrateful? Oh Lord, I’m so sorry.
But, whether it is her struggle or mine, the Lord is still our Keeper, our Help, our Shade, our own personal Storm Chaser. Thank you, Lord, for putting it in perspective. Show me ways to be Your hand in her situation and bring her comfort. You are in control of the wind and waves around us.
The song above ends with a reference to Psalms 121:
“I will lift up my eyes to the hills -- From whence comes my help? My help [comes] from the LORD, Who made heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to be moved; He who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, He who keeps Israel Shall neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD [is] your keeper; The LORD [is] your shade at your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, Nor the moon by night. The LORD shall preserve you from all evil; He shall preserve your soul. The LORD shall preserve your going out and your coming in From this time forth, and even forevermore.”