Monday, July 23, 2007

God's Fingerprints - part five - the finale

You can read parts one, two, three, and four if you are interested.

Since the people with who I interviewed mentioned the other candidates were coming in on Monday as well, I expected to hear from someone maybe by Wednesday. But, Wednesday turned to Thursday which turned to Friday. Friday morning, I couldn't stand it any longer. I called Aerotek.

I got voice mail. *sigh* So, I left a message and went on with my day. It seemed like I had spent the last four weeks waiting for the phone to ring from Aerotek or Whirlpool! LOL

Finally, the phone rang. I was so geeked!

"Beth, they chosen to go with the other candidates."

In my head..."WHAT!?"

I was so confused. Stunned. In shock. Disappointed. This was NOT supposed to be what she was telling me! This is NOT how this was supposed to go!

Luckily, I was able to keep it together and keep my voice even. I told DaHubby later that it was almost like she was waiting for my reaction so she could assess me even further than she possibly could have done from a standard interview. In addition, I almost felt bad for HER. She seemed so miserable just having to be the one to tell me.

The other two candidates had technical experience. So, those two men were better qualified for those two positions.

She went on to ask me if I was interested in a clerical/administrative part-time, short term job for half the money and half the hours. A small pre-saved part of me (just for a second *wink*) wanted to tell her what she could do with THAT job offer but instead I told her thank you and that I'd call DaHubby and see if that was something we'd be interested in doing. Well, could I call her by the end of the day because she was leaving for vacation? *sigh* Yea, sure. I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

I stood there after I hung up the phone. Stunned. What had just happened? Where was God in this? Nothing is more powerful than Him - so He had this happen for a reason? But, what reason?!

What had I done? What had we done? Or NOT done? What are we going to do?!

Oh, Lord! I had to call DaHubby!

And, he didn't take it well.

Then, I called DaGrandma to tell her that while I *really* appreciated her offer to watch the Vikings 'til Labor Day that we wouldn't need her to any more. "Well, that's a dirty, rotten trick" was just one of the things she had to say about it. LOL

My mom and step-dad were surprised as well. My mom went into "momma mode" - told me that I was still brilliant, still perfect, still all those things a momma thinks of her baby. LOL

So, we'll be still in debt...greatly. More cost-cutting, trimming budget fat for us. How depressing.

And, I thought of this yesterday - this hurts more than any other job situation like this in two ways. One - this is the first job in a long time that I have gotten this far and not gotthe job and this was also the time I was the most "real" and myself. *sigh* Probably an unfair but nonetheless obvious "coincidence".

And, second, how could I have read God's signs so wrong? Did I? I thought my level of discernment was gaining maturity. What if I've been wrong about other things too? I kept praisin' what seemed to be God obvious provision. But, now what do I tell people? That I was wrong? Since God's never wrong, it has to be me.

There has to be something better coming...there HAS to be! This is another season of preparation. Several years of infertility taught me (among other things) patience. I must press on. This is NOT the end of the world. In the realm of the things going on in this world, this barely registers notice. But, it was still important to me. And, God knows that as He knows my heart and He knows all things.

So, I wait.

Psalm 25.5: Lead me in Your truth and teach me, For You [are] the God of my salvation; On You I wait all the day.


Laurel Wreath said...

I have read all of this, and I could say a pat answer "where God closes a door he opens a window." And that is true.

But I believe this experience was for a reason; a reason you might not know about for awhile, just tuck it in your little experience folder.

Have you ever read my testimony? The majority rotates around getting out of debt, and to be honest it was not until this year that, that happened. IT. WAS. A. LONG. ROAD.

I feel your pain, and it is frustrating when God only gives you enough light to see your own two feet, you don't know where the future is going. But remember WHO is in control, and WHO is leading.

I will be praying for you. I know getting out of debt with this new job looked glamorous but that was not God's plan I guess. Same thing happened to my hubby (in the testimony).

God sometimes calls us to faith when we don't see a way out of things, it is so scary and believe me God and I have had many go-arounds on that.

But who knows one day you will be writing a comment on a friends blog, who is going through a tough situation and you can put your arms around her and say, "Oh honey I know exactly what you are feeling." I can not solve the problems but I can say God is faithful, he loves you and I will pray that he will show you how HE wants you to get out of debt.

SORRY SO LONG. Blessings my friend, feel free to email me if you need to chat.


Unashamed said... could I have read God's signs so wrong?

Oh sweetie, I SO know where you're coming from. Feeling like there was something wrong with me that I could have been so wrong about discerning his will for me. But remember, you prayed (and I did too) that He make his will clear in all this. And He did. It wasn't how and when we expected, that's for sure. But He answered, clearly, and He will continue to lead you.

But you are getting extra prayers from me tonight. {{{hugs}}}

Lisa said...

I, too, will be praying for you!! Sorry that it didn't work out. God will show you sometime down the road why this happened. If not in this life, then in the next. But by Heaven you may not care! :-)

Take care sweetie!

sara said...

ugh. my flesh wants to say how rotten of them to pull a bait & switch like that. But truly, I know God's in charge.