Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Dusted

First, thank you to everyone who put such wonderfully kind comments after my post about Flicka yesterday. I teared up reading them, flattered to hear that y'all don't think I'm some "momma monster". LOL

Spent most of the day yesterday in my head...worrying about every word coming out of my mouth directed towards her as well as everything that's been going on the last few weeks and months. After our adventure this weekend and her little outburst the other day, I'm still reeling some.

Told DaHubby (after he had called for the third time to check on me) that I still felt awful. By 9am yesterday, I stopped counting at ten the number of times I stopped myself from saying something critical and/or impatient to Flicka. *sigh*

Then, Pojke had a bit of an awakening when Momma realized that DaHubby had been *precisely* correct that I had been favoring my baby boy. Flicka had somehow become someone to protect Pojke from. How did THAT happen? *sigh*


And, his toddler world was rocked a little when he didn't get to win each argument and/or dispute yesterday. And, as if his crying and momentarily hurt, surprised eyes looking up at me weren't bad enough, the surprised look on Flicka's face when I took her side just crushed me into the ground further.

"For dust you are, And to dust you shall return."

So, how do I get up? I've been praying pretty much constantly. For wisdom. For insight. For humility. And, in thankfulness for DaHubby's honest but hard-to-hear observations.

God formed us once from the dust of the ground. I'm hoping He'll re-form me again into the godly mom and wife He wants me to be.

Breathe into me Your breath of life again, Oh Lord, for it is all that is getting me through my days this week. In this "dusting" of my pride, allow me to lean on You and the man whom You picked to be by my side. I don't know it all. I don't need to. I just need You.

3 comments:

Unashamed said...

Dearest Beth, don't worry about "getting up". HE will carry you through this. He already does.

1 Corinthians 11:32: "But when we are judged by the Lord, we are disciplined so that we may not be condemned along with the world."
Notice that this verse clearly says that the Lord disciplines us so that we may NOT be condemned along with the world. This is a very loving and positive aspect to discipline.

Hebrews 12:5-6: "And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.”
Again, notice that the Lord disciplines those HE LOVES. We don’t like to be disciplined and disciplining someone is never easy and never fun. But this passage tells us that discipline is a loving act on God’s part towards his children.

I think that it's wonderful (though oh-so-hard on you) that you are learning these things now while the kids are still relatively young. Some families, unfortunately, get into these awful destructive patterns and never find their way out of them. Their poor kids end up on the Jerry Springer show or something. That sounds flip, but you know what I mean. Thanks be to God that He is answering prayers and granting you more wisdom in dealing with your children.

UntrainedEye said...

To the most awesome woman every. You are the best mom, wife, friend, and person i have had the priveledge of knowing

Laurel Wreath said...

Girl you are a good mommy, and we ALL make mistakes. We are not perfect human beings, so don't expect your parenting to be perfect. That is what God's grace and forgivness is for. God gave you those two precious children because NOBODY, no one singly woman on earth could be their Mommy BUT YOU. You can raise them the way God wants them to be raised.

Don't expect yourself to be perfect, just forgiven. Because honey the time of making errors or mistakes, etc... are not over. My kids are in their teen years and I have to pray every night "Father please raise them into Godly men, despite my failures and mistakes I make as a parent." And you know what He does.

Hang in there.