It really says that?

I've spent some time over the last couple weeks putting together a Child Training Bible for the Viking Hus. I've often been frustrated while talking over behavior misdeeds, either proactively or after-the-fact, and I can't find a corresponding Scripture to cite. This resource could be the answer to that problem.

As I was taking the time for all the highlighting and tabbing of Scriptures, it occurred to me that the folks at CTB were able to come up with 21 childhood "hot topics" and find several Scriptures about each. Anger, complaining, defiance, fear, fighting, impatience, lying, making excuses, not listening, quarreling, selfishness, tattling...and those are just the ones around here the last few weeks! LOL

People often say that the Bible doesn't speak to modern culture anymore but it has been hit home again and again recently how much *specific* Word is given about situations I'm trying to instruct the Vikings about multiple times per day.

And, then it starts to get *really* uncomfortable...when the Scriptures are used for the "big kids" in the house as well.

Impatience: "Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him. Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way..."

Unforgiveness: "If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents forgive him."

Making excuses: "Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the hearts."

Discouraged: "...My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness..."

Then I begin to wonder who is gonna learn more from this newly organized little book...the Vikings or ME?

Resisting

I tend to be a joiner.

Not always in the peer pressure type way but when I get on-board with something, I tend to want to submerse myself in whatever it is. I get an A for enthusiasm but it's not so good since I don't generally "dabble" in things. It's all or nothing.

But, this time (for whatever reason) it seems to be different.

I'm tired of "us versus them."

Bottle feed vs. breast feed. Attachment parenting vs. cry-it-out. Spanking vs. not. Feed-on-demand vs. puttin' a kid on a feeding schedule. Organic vs. not. Vaccinations vs. not or limited. Strict non-junk food vs. a taste of a french fry or ice cream in moderation. TV vs. none. Public vs. private vs. homeschooling.

I'm just over it.

So, when we decided to keep the Vikings home this coming school year, it wasn't a big personal and family declaration of independence or road-to-Damascus moment of revelation.

It's just what works for us for now.

And, can we just homeschool without getting all political and confrontational about it?

I feel strongly about it being the right choice for us for now. And, I've felt strongly about other issues (particularly early childhood intervention and education) and have done extensive training and advocacy for those positions including heading to the state capital to talk to legislators but, excuse me if for just this moment, this rookie year I don't want to join in every group and/or jump on every board with each political, legal, or advocacy group for homeschooling. I just want to focus on us and feel successful and keep our head about the academic waters right now.

It's not just about  it being "better"; it's about this is "better for us."

We aren't judging public school parents. We haven't condemned our local district. Nor public education as a concept. We don't care about our kids "more" or think the rest are neglectful for not making the same choice.

And, it's not really a lifestyle change for us - it's just more fully us to live this way for now.

So, while I appreciate all the chances and opportunities to immerse ourselves in this new educational adventure, I'm resisting. Whether it's age, experience, or no one longer needing  to join a group to feel OK with my choices, we'll pass for now.

Our reasons were clear to us. We feel obedient to follow that. That's all that truly matters to us.

The rest will come in its own timing.

In the Moment Inspiration

I made the mistake of saving the reading until the end.

Pojke is struggling to make the leap between recognizing sight words and reading them in sentence/story form. His readers are filled with Pat, Nat, rat, cat, mat, hat, etc but it's still like pulling teeth to get him to read one page of material.

Knowing today was language arts day, I was dreading the inevitable battle of getting him to read 2-3 pages of his reader without him (or me) collapsing into a watery, whiny mess.

The first sentence took FOR-EV-VER! And, after having done spelling, copywork, and phonics, Pojke was ready to bolt.

So I let him.

Yes, I let him. In a moment of what could only be called God-given inspiration, I told him for every 3-6 word sentence he finished, he could run as fast as he can from the dining room table to the top of the stairs and back.

And, we finished the other pages in record time.

It was such a hit that Flicka asked me to incorporate it into her remaining math bookwork! LOL

It's amazing what happens when desperation sets in and inspiration strikes!

New season

"It's just a season"

"This is a season. This too shall pass."

"Enjoy this season. It goes by too quickly."

I'm not talking about just summer, fall, and winter. Just seasons of life. School. Singlehood. Early marriage. Parenting young children. You know what I mean.

We have been through and are still going through a really rough season. It basically began 4 years ago when DaHubby returned to school to better himself and to better our financial odds in this recently awful economy. We've been through the wringer...full time work while full time schooling; another miscarriage; one Viking starting school, then another; family injuries, illnesses, and challenges; DaHubby being laid off; being on food stamps & welfare with no health insurance, living two states apart for half a year; marital stress; moving across two states, being the new kids/parents in a strange place; new and unexpected work pressures, changes, and disappointments for DaHubby; and the kids struggling academically, socially, and personally with all of this.

We've learned what's really important and how little with which we can get along. We've learned to be creative and frugal without it stealing our joy.  And, we've also learned we have amazing friends, family, and church families who look out for and pray for us regularly.

As we've hit various obstacles, we've continued to circle the proverbial wagons around the four of us tighter and tighter in a circle of protection. Things have gotten through to us but our instincts still are to draw closer together when under attack.

It's not over yet. There are multiple issues at DaHubby's work to be settled. There's a chance of a second move in our future. The school issues with the Vikings' were not resolved in a satisfactory (for us) way.

But, we know this is still just a season. And, we continue to hope for what God's got planned in our future.

As the kids finished their last full day of school yesterday, there came a sweet sense of peace. They're home now. With me. With us. Full time. And, it feels good. We're cleaning the house and clearing the slates for a fresh new start for this new summer season.

But, it's more than that. Change is in the air again. We all can feel it. And, Momma (normally) don't do change well. However, I've learned how far I can truly bend. I've learned to have faith in the blind turns. While I don't live in the present as much as I wished I did, I'm still looking forward toward the goal God's set out in front of us.

And, as a distraction when I get discouraged, I look down and watch my feet. As long as they are still moving forward, we're good.

My kids are being shaped by this, by this life we've tried to create. And, we feel we owe them better than what they've been getting lately.

So, again, this season is a new start. Looking out. Looking up. Keeping our heads up and walking this path.

May God be praised and glorified.

Choosing the good things that last

I've dealt with anxiety as long as I can remember. What's gonna happen? What's expected of me? ADD-related foot-in-mouth syndrome. Social awkwardness. How am I gonna screw this up? That sort of thing.

So, for a number of reasons, I've not learned to rest in the wisdom God's giving me or in His guidance. I'm often overwhelmed with my choices and/or find myself frozen with multiple things going on that need my attention. Too many options, too many chances at failure, and only one seemingly "right" answer.  So, I'm basically learning - all over again in my mid-40's - to trust my heart and my gut.

Juggling family life often feels like Sisyphus-like battle. Get up psyched for a new day, new ideas, new desire to stay organized and end each day collapsing on the couch or into bed citing all the reasons the day went wrong, things didn't get done, all I have left to do.
Well, I'm tired of living that way.

So, we've been making little adjustments. The first? To trust my gut...and to not feel bad about it! As a result, we've made some parenting calls lately that go against our previous parenting grain.

Things like...

Having Pojke stay home today when it was his sister that was sick. We were at the ER late with Flicka for some IV hydration following a strep diagnosis. We all slept in. We all could use a day off.

Judiciously using/offering mental health days. My kids have had a pretty rotten year at school. The move from Michigan, the bullying, trouble making friends, etc. So, over the winter, each of the Vikings got to stay home for a day when they were feeling run down but weren't "technically" sick.

One night's fishing instead of homework. Both kids have fallen in love with our new local river, Illinois' Rock River, and have taken an interest in fishing. They need some more time with their daddy so, on Monday, we made the choice to forgo our usual after-school/homework/dinner routine to spend a couple of wonderful hours just sitting...and fishing.

I value their time in school but their time with us as a family will mean more in the long run. It initally goes against my teacher training and parenting grain, my heart and "momma gut" says it's true.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Philippians 4.8 ESV

Parenting in Tough Times

We were doing all right until recently. My kids were floating through all the changes with relative ease.

The kids missed DaHubby during all the hours he put in working full time while schooling full time but they seemed to cope well. They fussed significantly less than expected when DaHubs was laid off and we had to say "no" to SO many splurges, purchases, and events.

Flicka leaving her old school and her Daisy Scout troop didn't result in one tear. News of the move? Barely anything more than "I'm gonna miss our old house" or "...miss our old town" out of either of them. New school? Timid but OK.

The actual move was uneventful. Our new rental was not ready so the four of us lived in DaHub's one-bedroom apartment for a month even with him on different days working and different shifts on a rotating schedule.

While it doesn't feel like it most days, my kids really are good kids. Pretty compliant on the whole. Questioning in a non-bratty way the majority of the time. Tantrums have been getting rarer and rarer. Discipline is more of a "as needed" thing as issues arise, are explained, and then corrected.

Then, school started. And, the bus riding. And, the bullying.

And, with DaHubs still working rotating days and shifts, I'm still the primary disciplinarian along with in-house psychologist. And, I'm really starting to feel VERY under-equipped.

We are seven weeks into school and Pojke is still crying at bedtime and/or every morning because he doesn't want to get on the bus. Teachers says he's fine, polite, productive, and on-task when he gets there but, the last two days, school staff has had to physically pick him up to get him either on the bus or into class.

Flicka is faring better but her behavior is all over the place emotionally. Dramatic highs and lows (more than usual LOL) and lots of crying and drama especially over a daily spelling words worksheet.

And, in the midst of this, I am losing my way on how to discipline with love. I want what appears to be irrational behavior to cease but also know it's likely a result of a tidal wave of stress they are both feeling.

While I don't mind easing off the discipline during this season of transition for them, I also don't want to inadvertently endorse new bad habits to form that will be harder to break later when things even out.

When I read this article about real solutions for parents, it struck me that both the Vikings are showing significant physiological and psychological signs of stress. But, the author also offers some suggestions for solutions using the following steps:

1. Early intervention
ID the reason
Get enough sleep
ID potential stressors
Cut one thing
Keep to family routines
Monitor TV viewing
Help child learn their stress signs
Don't overprotect

I've done pretty well with those listed above. Finding the real reasons, getting them to bed early, our schedule is SUPER pared down due to the move, our routine pretty strict but still flexible due to DaHub's schedule, and other than some cartoons on Netflix, they don't watch a lot of TV. The only one I could really improve on is helping the Vikings learn their stress signals.

As for the "don't overprotect" suggestion, when I had to call the head of school transportation for the THIRD time that someone was laying hands on my kids (including an older kids writing "shut up" on Pojke's forehead during his bus ride home), the fact I kept it together and acted like a rational human being is the best I can manage.

2. Rapid response
Stay calm
Melt the tension
Use a positive phrase
Teach "elevator breathing"
Visualize a calm place

This is where I think most of my work is going to be. My fuse is short lately as well. The tension level in our home is often off the charts and gets that way from zero to full blast in about 5 seconds. We could ALL benefit from these.

3. Develop habits for change
Reduce stress as a family
Label emotions
Find a relaxer
Open communication
Model how to cope

Same with these ideas. While I feel like I label emotions I'm having and say things like "it's sounds like you're angry about..." and such, the older the Vikings get the more shades of gray are appearing. "Sad," "mad," "angry," "scared" don't always cut it anymore and things are getting way more complicated lately. But, most of these are do-able and I need to make them a priority ASAP.

I've needed a lifeline of sorts with parenting lately and I'm hoping this is a step in the right direction. Kids are resilient. And I know God puts things in our path to help us grow and learn. And, as a parent, sometimes I'm going to have to let the Vikings walk through some tough stuff but I want this change to be a positive one in the end and not one that did some irreversible damage.

Gratitude. Patience. Love.

I have a real problem with patience.

No, seriously.

It's probably the one greatest (non-physical) thing I would change about myself. It's the biggest fault that ties all my other foibles together.

And, while I know my impatience stains and strains nearly every aspect of my life (my faith, my parenting, my marriage, friendships, self-concept, etc.) I was pulled up short last week by a blog post by Ann Voskamp, author of "One Thousand Gifts."

As described in 1 Corinthians, Ann posited that while love is kind, not jealous, does not brag, not arrogant - it is first patient!

We know that the greatest of faith, hope, and love is LOVE. And, the greatest trait of love is PATIENCE.

Ann goes on further to say love walks with patience when it is first GRATEFUL for what is present in each moment.

"Lack gratitude - then lack patience - then, ultimately, lack love."

I love my kids. I love my hubby. So why are they most often the target for my impatience?

And, instead of working on my faith, my parenting, my marriage, and my friendships like they are all separate balls to be anxiously juggling, I could just work on being grateful.

No, REALLY grateful. Even for the tough stuff.

Even if it means being grateful for the kids challenging my authority - I want independent, curious, thoughtful thinkers, right?

Or, for my husband to challenge my decisions, question my motives, ask me to explain (again) my thinking because iron sharpens iron and he is looking out for me.

Or, for a pastor who asks me to really think about what I believe about God, the Bible, and what a fellowship of believers really looks like.

Gratitude about the muddy feet, broken toys, and spilled juice.

Thankfulness for temper tantrums, sassy children, and sibling bickering.

Appreciate disruptions, interruptions, and unending questions.

Gratitude brings patience. And, patience begets true love. And, ultimately, I want a house filled with True Love.

A parenting experiment

The "be where you say you will be" rule was broken last night.

For the second time.

First time? We talked, re-iterated the rule and reasons, and restricted that particular activity for a time.

Second time, she was with a friend. And, the friend got "grounded." We haven't used those before but I had an idea. I wanted to see if she was really *getting* it.

After explaining again what the rule was and how it was broken and at what point she may have wanted to remove herself from problem...

"(Flicka), what do YOU think your punishment should be? This is the second time with the same rule."

She suggested doing chores. I mentioned she had to do those anyway. LOL

She suggested losing her bike privileges for a while...particularly since Pojke had just lost his for a breaking a similar rule about going around the block.

"For how long?"

"All day tomorrow?" she said.

"OK, what else?" I was looking for something that might clue her in to the following-her-friends-into-rule-breaking part of the equation. LOL

"No playing outside with the boys?" Bingo.

"OK, for how long?"

"Tomorrow morning?"

Stuck in the house with mean ol' mom on a beautiful morning while all the other neighborhood kids played just out front?

"OK, 'til lunch time. Deal?"

Well, she agreed at the time but forgot by this morning. Yet, after her initial protests, she settled in while Pojke went out to play. When I turned off the TV and PC for her enjoyment, it didn't go over well. Neither did my "no" to her request to bake cookies. LOL Hey, this isn't supposed to be fun, right?

So, she's playing quietly with her homemade playdoh acting out the last episode of "MasterChef" probably. :) But, things are good.

But, this afternoon will be the test. We shall see.

Thinking about advice...over a week later.

I tend to obsess.

Big shocker, eh?

It feels like my ADD drives me to focus on details - some relevant, some not. I don't "do" change well either. It throws me off my grand master plan to get things accomplished. As a result, I take criticism hard because (one) it means going back over those details and (two) it might mean change.

So, when a well-meaning senior citizen who sat with us July Fourth weekend at a AYCE pancake breakfast finished her polite conversation with a zinger like "you need to worry less and just appreciate them", it pulled me up a little short.

My first gut response and the voices in my head that followed were not very Christian. LOL I was immediately defensive and critical. Then, I tried to remember that this lady had known us less than an hour and I was over-reacting.

But, over the last week, as I scheduled and planned and obsessed and crossed things off my unending to-do list it struck me:

I was "parenting" and not "appreciating" my kids.

Now, DaHubby and I are NOT the "be my kids' best friend" type of parents but I think it is a good reminder that by "parenting" all the time, we can simply become nags. All law and consequences and no grace and love.

I think most of the time he and I provide a good balance of the two but, with all the upheaval in our lives lately, I think we need to err even more on the side of grace.

This realization that the little old lady might be right was brought home again when Pojke had his first little emotional, right-before-bed breakdown last night..."I just wanna go back to (our former town). "

I've been so focused on moving forward and getting things in place here that I've forgotten to shepherd their little hearts along with me with grace and love and not a rope!

So, we will be slowing down even further, building back up our family even more, setting up our new digs a little slower. More hugs, fewer to-do's. More snuggling, fewer errands. More reading, fewer chores...for now.

The Bottom Line

What's your bottom line for your children's education?

If I asked you "what are the top three things you want your child(ren) to take away from their initial education" (I'm talking K-12), what would they be? Independence? Free thinker? A good citizen? Excellent grades? A certain religious/ethical outlook? An athlete on scholarship?

I've thought a lot about it...particularly since we're struggled between our local public school district, school of choice options, and homeschooling to find the right fit for our family.

Fortunately, I've relied on my husband's input, prayer and trusted my "momma gut" and we are completely thrilled with Flicka's school where she completed kindergarten and will soon complete first grade.

However, as usual, I'm going against the flow and the decision of nearly all my fellow momma friends who chose our neighborhood schools. So, I get asked ALOT to explain over and over and over again the choice we made. Plus, I think my teacher training and experience makes me a little different type of "consumer" when it came to what I was looking for from an educational system.

Most of the time, I've felt defensive when questioned. Mostly because I couldn't really put my emotions, concerns, and "momma gut" into words that made it understandable to someone else.

But, finally, it dawned on me the other day when I was talking with a mom who was very concerned about the way her district went about doing their standardized testing at the lower elementary grades. That district, according to her, tests the kids immediately upon returning from summer vacation, re-tests second semester, and then touts their excellent improvements.

Doesn't seem like a particularly fair assessment to me - and it didn't seem that way to her either. And, I mentioned that (particularly with conferences last week) I really appreciated how Flicka's school seems to rely on smaller, more frequent assessments more for her teacher to see where they are and where to go next as opposed to focusing on standardized testing and its results.

And, the clouds parted and the angels sang! LOL

It occurred to me and my little rebel brain...I DON'T CARE HOW FLICKA DOES IN STANDARDIZED TESTING! *gasp*

While it's wonderful to see improvement through her teacher's assessments and Flicka's work from one quarter to the next, I DON'T CARE IF SHE'S AT GRADE LEVEL AT THIS POINT! *double gasp*

The overall reason I wanted a different situation for Flicka was that I was looking for someone who would work with me to create a LIFELONG LEARNER, not a good test taker.

While I was a good test taker, my comprehension and retention often weren't the best thanks to my ADD. Meanwhile, Mike never has found test-taking particularly easy or worthwhile but because he's crazy smart and eternally curious, he can blow the doors off just about any challenge he tackles.

I want Flicka to LOVE LEARNING because it feels AWESOME to learn something new and hit that A-HA moment! I want THAT type of magic and innocence to last as long as possible before the testing becomes necessary.

Thankfully, Flicka's teacher agrees with me wholeheartedly.

"Beth, we don't 'teach' kids to speak. They're immersed in it. They try, they fail, they adjust, they figure it out. Reading is much the same way. Keep her immersed in reading and writing and her reading skills will increase in leaps and bounds."

That's MY bottom line. So, what is YOURS?

Unexpected Schooling

We've tested, tried, and tinkered with homeschooling but never made a fully committed leap to do if full time. Once we found Flicka's current school and exercised our school-of choice option, we've been so happy with the teachers, administrators, and the overall situation that our need to home school faded to a lesser extent.

And, my feelings about homeschooling in terms of philosophy have changed some too. I've been told "oh, I couldn't home school because..." and I tell them that they are already homeschooling. All the reading times they've attended, all the questions answered, all the cooking together, the crafts, the messes, the discipline, ALL of it is already schooling at home.

I'd also like to think I'd be a more relaxed home schooler than I initially thought I'd be...despite my ADD-driven organizational challenges. LOL Now that I've seen what natural learners my little raiders are, I don't stress as much about WHAT and HOW MUCH they're learning and WHEN.

Which brings me to my newest challenge...

Pojke has told me in no uncertain terms that he feels he's ready to read. LOL He turned 5 last month (hard to believe) and has been asking me daily to help him learn his letters, his numbers, and to read.

So, I found myself unexpectedly alone this morning with Flicka at school and Pojke at my in-laws and I wandered into the Dollar Tree for some TP, paper plates, and duct tape. (Don't ask.) I perused over to the school supply aisle - being a semi-retired English teacher causes me to do that frequently as well as randomly spend long periods of time looks through sale books. :)

Half hour later I'd arrived home with $10-15 worth of fun posters, bulletin board borders, and such to accessorize around our dining room table. Then, I took the suggestion of a very smart, very wise Head Start teacher who happens to be my best friend of 30+ years and labeled everything in my kitchen with its name. LOL

And, Pojke was thrilled! He ran from object to object asking "what does THAT say, Momma? What does THAT say?"

So, just as I tried with Flicka when she was 3 and 4, Pojke and I will spend the next few weeks reviewing colors, numbers, letters, and their sounds as I treasure these last few months of "solo-Pojke-time" before he most likely heads off to kindergarten from our new home in Illinois come September.

Too much ADD to even make a point

I'm looking at a fairly long list of things that have been bumping around in my brain today but can't seem to SETTLE on one and expand on it. LOL I've been completely overwhelmed with life today despite there being relatively little going on in the grand scheme of things.

While I wonder sometimes what God had in mind when He wired my brain this way, I am still in the camp that slowly came to realize that this is often as much of a blessing and a gift as it is a major pain in the butt.

My biggest trigger is sound...especially REPETITIVE sound. And, if you've ever had young children in your house, you can only imagine how crazy and around-the-bend I get by the end of any given day. LOL

I've explained it as ADDers "ear filters" are broken. It feels like I can hear everything exactly the same volume with no way to turn any of it down. Even sitting here typing, I can hear the keys clacking, the Vikings' baby snores, the air filter thing buzzing telling me it's time to wipe down the innards, and some traffic going by at the end of our block. And, somehow, I've gotta pick out what's important and try (and try and try) to stay focused on just that one thing.

And, as stress goes up so do one's ADD symptoms...and our life has been chocked FULL.

In the last year, my ADD has manifest itself in ways it never has before (with still embarrassing results) but I've also found some better ways of coping with it as well.

From an ADD/ADHD management/coaching group: " You wake up feeling like you’re running behind. You go to bed feeling like you didn’t accomplish enough. You’re always stressed out. In general, you feel overwhelmed, unorganized, unproductive, lazy, and guilty."

And, I'd add an over-reaching sense of anxiety about every minute from when one's eyes open until the time one falls into bed exhausted. That anxiety is a tough taskmaster - making one feel like he/she is not matching up and/or keeping up with the world. One feels like he/she is juggling a tall, teetering pile of life just within reach and just about to tip out of control.

I've been med-free since I got pregnant with Flicka in 2003. And, I had every intention of going back on some type of ADD stimulant as soon as I weaned Pojke. However, when we updated on life insurance stuff after his birth, the agent told me that my premiums would be higher than DaHubby's (whose family has a strong history of health issues) simply because my ADD meds were a stroke-risk. And, I figured if anything I was putting in my body made me THAT big of a risk for droppin' dead on the sidewalk at any random time then it was time to start learning some more behavioral stuff for coping with the day-to-day mess that can be my life.

And, all this has been rattling in my brain even more so than usual since Flicka's report came home this quarter. Comments about her messiness, social-ness, and her difficulty focusing during whole class activities have my "momma alarms" going off.

My experience as a kid and then as a teacher has been that (on average - no assumption covers ALL students) male student ADDers are located and diagnosed more quickly because they tend to express their ADD by acting out and disrupting a classroom. However, female student ADDers (again on average) tend to withdraw and the ADD symptoms manifest more with "air head" and organizational problems.

While I don't want to jump the gun, label Flicka early, stuff her full of meds, etc., I also do not want her growing up being considered the "air head" and having self-esteem issues because she sees how much easier some of the organizational and academic stuff comes to her classmates...exactly what it was like for me.

So, for now, I'm focusing on being the adult for Flicka that I wanted someone to be for me when I was feeling lost, clueless, and less than others all those years before I got my diagnosis and my "ah HA moment".

Teaching more metacognition (knowledge about HOW she learns) and how to use her strengths to be successful.

Modeling what I'm doing to keep me organized and on-task sometimes.

Being as patient as possible with the messes and with the continually forgotten and lost objects.

Keeping up with fair and consistent natural consequences (a la Love and Logic)

Like ADD symptoms themselves, no one symptom is a deal-breaker or a sure-fire diagnosis but when SEVERAL come together in a way to affect quality of life, some intervention needs to be undertaken.

Well, my parenting goals taken one by one sound like goals any parent could have but taken together, I may be able to jump into her development early enough that she finds coping mechanisms so natural that any ADD symptoms she MAY one day manifest in a greater way don't disrupt her lie and she can focus on all the blessings they can provide!

Have you thanked a teacher lately?

I've been doing research for a gift for Flicka's kindergarten teacher this week because Teacher Appreciation week starts next Monday.

I've always been jealous how elementary teachers seem to benefit more from this than us poor, neglected secondary teachers. LOL But, I also remember vividly how much work teaching is and I want Mrs. S to know how much Flicka and her parents appreciate all the work she does.

I've come across so many cute ideas, I made a list of links to share:

Family Fun magazine has craft links for gifts.

Here's a list of thank you's using food and cute sayings (like giving Pop Rocks and saying "You ROCK!" That kind of thing.)

About.com had an article about how to do a small little gift all 5 days next week.

This site is WAY beyond my crafty level but the ideas are really cute.

I like this long list of frugal gifts at betterbudgeting.com too.

And, here are some random suggestions from actual teachers.

Finally, here is a list of suggestions from the NEA - the national teachers' organization

A Well-Needed Reminder

DaHubby and I married in 2001. We were 32. So, after the whirlwind courtship, the 11 months of wedding planning, and then the ceremony, we deemed it appropriate to jump right in with the whole makin' babies thing. (Don't worry - this is a family-friendly blog. That's as far as that chain of thought is gonna go. LOL)

However, as 2001 ended, we were completely obsessed with temperature taking, charting my cycles, and the like but still were baby-less.

Then, 2002 moved through spring, summer, and into fall. Still no luck and then we were mending our broken hearts over our first miscarriage. In the midst of that grief, I rededicated my life to the Lord and was re-baptized for the first time as an adult.

By 2003, I was completely undone again. I felt like God had left me where I was - childless and alone. It was hurting my health, my spirit, my mind, my faith, and (if I had to be honest) probably my marriage. I was depressed, gaining weight - which ironically worsened our chances of conceiving.

I remember crying at the sight of babies. Being unable to attend baby showers. Unable to hold a baby. Feeling like an awful person when I couldn't manage to be happy for yet another friend or acquaintance who was pregnant. I remember being livid at stories of parents mistreating their children. Every month was yet another disappointment. I felt like a failure. My body was betraying what I thought was my God-designed purpose.

I remember a call to prayer around that time at the church we attended. In the middle of praying about something completely unrelated, I fell apart. I recall laying on the floor face down just sobbing. My heart didn't know what to pray anymore so I just cried and repeated over and over and over "Your will be done, Lord, Your will be done."

I had been praying for over 2 years. Twenty-five cycles I spent praying for just one tiny miracle. "Let me, Lord. Please. I won't complain. I'll love him/her. Raise he/she right and to serve You. I've truly realized what a miracle it would be. I would never, ever take it for granted."

Then, the Lord granted my prayer. We found out we were pregnant in July. And, Flicka was born in March 2004. They said "take her home and love her. You'll probably never conceive again."

And, yet, I began to complain. Flicka was a colicky baby. Spent most of her first 8 weeks screaming whenever she was awake. I spent days wondering "what about ME, Lord? I'm tired!" And, even when God blessed me again with my second miracle, despite my whining and complaining, it was hard to feel grateful at the time as I was still nursing a 15 month old. After Pojke was born in 2006, I began to take it for granted.

So, six years later and earlier this week, I found myself undone again. The ongoing stress and strain of the last 2 years of DaHubby's schooling; the stress and strain of him being laid off in February and surviving on $350/week unemployment; and then the stress and strain of 2 very opinionated, also stressed out kids blowing major tantrums, ignoring me, and being generally rude - I just shut down...and cried.

"I can't do this anymore, Lord."

And, He reminded me yesterday..."But, you prayed for this."

And, I cried again. I was so embarrassed and ashamed before the Lord.

"Yes, Lord, I know. I prayed for..."

the temper tantrums
the mess
the hysterical hyena laughing that sets my teeth on edge
the non-stop talking
the unending questions
the interruptions
the pigpen rooms
the fussy eating
the momma body
the chauffeuring

"I prayed for it all. I also prayed for..."

the constant band-aid dependency
the midnight wake-up calls
the sleep deprivation
the stacks of sticky, dirty, stained laundry
the overnight "accidents"
the 2am calls to the pediatrician
the ER runs
the gum in the hair
the ruined clothes from marker fights
the whining

"Yes, Lord. I asked for all this. I even prayed for..."

the preschool attitude
the kindergarten "Diva" 'tude
the stomping of feet
the awkward questions in public
the embarrassments in stores
did I mention the tantrums?
the sibling bickering
the sibling big time baby-wrestling
the plaster ripped from the wall
the broken curtain rod

And, I even prayed for...

the "clingies"
the little person version of nagging ("Mom? Mom? Mommy? Ma? Mumma?" Repeat ad nauseum)
the God-knows-what in someone's ears
the who-know-what in someone's nose
and, the last night runs for Tylenol or Benedryl

Help me, Lord.

Just like I'm thankful for DaHubby because I vividly remember my awful single days, I just needed to be reminded where I was before God provided me with not one but TWO miracles in my life.

What would my life be like without the Vikings? My heart breaks to even think about it.

But, to remain in a state of thankfulness and gratitude, I also need to remember that I can't do this momma-parenting thing all alone.

I need Him.

Help me, Lord.

Psalms 46:1 ...God [is] our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble.

Things I Learned Over Spring Break

Spring Break is over as of tomorrow at the Vikings Hus. And, to be honest, I'm torn.

First, I learned things about our time management.

The ADD-er in me like the external structure Flicka's school day imposes on me. We *must* get up and be out of the house by 7:30am so much more is accomplished in the AM hours. This is one thing I noticed as I let our natural clocks take over and let the Vikings stay up 'til 9 or 9:30pm (and on one particular night 10pm) which resulted in all of us waking up between 8-9am the next morning. LOL

On the other hand, as an ADD-er, I *really* stink at sticking to a schedule and I feel extended and heightened anxiety keeping us on one. So, I admit that I love breaking from the structure and enjoying the freedom that comes with my impulsive decisions. LOL

However, I did find that the Vikings are probably not sleeping enough. Prior to vacation, the kids generally go to bed between 8-8:30 and get up between 6:45-7am, resulting in about 10-11 hours of sleep. But, when I let them stay up late and sleep in, they slept 12 hours.

Since they are resisting bedtime after the time change and the extended daylight and have long since dropped an afternoon nap, I'm at somewhat of an impasse. Our evening activities often go 'til 8pm so making their bedtime earlier isn't a realistic option. Dropping their activities altogether means no midweek church and no swim lessons. Hmmm - a momma dilemma.

Secondly, being off school also brought back the desire to homeschool. Yes, homeschool, even with said problems with schedules, structures, and such (see above LOL). While Flicka is doing well, she is the only girl remaining in her kindergarten class and there are resulting concerns as well as focusing on more of a Bible-based education.

Third, I've discovered my daughter has some *seriously* crazy planning abilities. LOL Before vacation began, I made a grid of sorts of our week off and started plugging in activities scheduled over those days. Then, we brainstormed a list of additional possibilities and tried to see if we could fit some of them in. Flicka THRIVED on knowing exactly what we were doing each day and the next. Each night ended with the question "so what's on the schedule for tomorrow, Mom?"

And, while I spent most of the week pleading with DaHubby to take a break from his studies to take the Vikings for an hour or two due to some awful demonstrations of sibling big time wrestling rivalry and flagrant disobedience, I know I also will miss having both Vikings with me over the next few weeks 'til Flicka's graduation in June...that is if I survive DaHubby's finals week and graduation May 2nd!

Warms a momma's heart...

The other night, I was digging in my closet for some long johns (did I mention we've received over a FOOT of snow in the last 16 hrs? LOL). And, I found 4 books I had ordered from Flicka's Scholastic Book Club at school to give to the Vikings on Christmas. Oops! :)

I had picked out a penguin book and a new Jon Scieszka TruckTown book we hadn't seen yet on snow trucking. For those of you with vehicle-obsessed little ones, I can't recommend Scieszka's TruckTown books enough...plus he's a native Michigander so it's all good in my book! LOL

And, Flicka's books included a Scholastic version of "The Princess and the Frog" and a book on the Nativity.

So, when I put the Vikings to bed an hour earlier last night to prep for our back-to-school schedule on Monday, I thought the new books might soften their angry, fussy respsonse. And, both Vikings had the reaction a momma always wishes for...

...they both *kissed* their new books!

And, then me, of course. LOL

Flicka LOVED her Princess book; Pojke started jumping and hollering over the Snow Trucking book.

And, THAT makes an English teacher momma's heart happy!

Mama Bears and Jehovah Nissi

I've been spending a lot of time lately thinking about this "mama bear" instinct. It keeps coming up in different circumstances - and not all of them related to the Vikings.

In my Bible study group which was reading Esther, we talked about how in chapter 9, Esther asks King Xerxes for another day for the Jews to defend themselves against Haman's decree. We talked about why she would make such a request. Possible bad reason? She was getting used to being in power and was wielding it rashly. Possible good reason? She was feeling a little "mama bear-ish" about her people and wanted to make sure all the enemies of the Jews were annihilated.

Then, there's a well-meaning friend of the family that has taken to teasing Pojke lately. Asking to see his ever-present "beep beeps" (aka toy trucks) he carries everywhere with him and occasionally his lovey, "Susie". The man has taken the toys and/or Susie when left unattended and wants Pojke to give him a hug to get it back. He's called him a sissy and a mama's boy when Pojke turns to me for help. He's called him a baby for having Susie at all. Things like that.

Initially, it wasn't bad but it crossed the line somewhere and now is very upsetting to Pojke. Since this is a friend of the family, I've hesitated to say anything so far. But, as it has continued, I find my "mama bear" rising up in defense.

And, lately, there have been friends of DaHubby's who poke fun at him. For being "too smart", for going to school while working, for allowing me to handle the finances, for not doing more of the typically man-like things in which they feel DaHubby should be participating. And, again, I feel my "mama bear" bearing her teeth.

Then, while attending my last Beth Moore session for that study of Esther, she mentioned the following verse of Scripture:

To the woman He said: "I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; In pain you shall bring forth children; Your desire [shall be] for your husband, And he shall rule over you." Genesis 3:16 (NKJV)

Beth Moore talked about how we should pay less attention to what society says about beauty, femininity, and being desirable and focus more about what God say about our value and beauty as well as what our hubbies think. We should be desiring after THEM not society.

My desire should be for DaHubby - and it is. My desire to love and defend him flows naturally from that. And, those little sweet Vikings, I love them that dearly. Thus, I also feel the need to defend and protect. All things come from that love...even that mama bear instinct. The challenge is to reign it in so as to still remain Christ-like.

Jesus loves us ever-so-much more than we love our hubbies and children. How much MORE "mama bear" feelings does He have towards us? While we refer to God as "Abba Father", I think it would be good to remember that He also has a large dose of "mama bear-ish" feelings for us as well. We need to remember that He is standing between us and those things which would hurt us.

Jehovah Nissi - My Banner and Protector!

And Moses built an altar and called its name, The-LORD-Is-My-Banner; Exodus 17:15 (NKJV)

A Practical Application

When I wrote last night about my attempt to be more flexible with our schedule, I didn't think I'd be presented with an opportunity so quickly so to share. LOL

But, tonight is a perfect example. And, in the last hour since we got home from midweek church events, my entire attitude has changed.

I haven't been feeling particularly well today thanks to a bad case of the monthly grouchies. Wednesday is one of our busiest days between kindergarten, errands, my morning Bible study, choir practice, and midweek evening church stuff. In addition, bills are to be paid on Wednesdays. And, I'm supposed to prep for grocery shopping since that's been moved to Thursday mornings. And, I had to finish prepping for Pojke's preschool for the rest of the week.

So, I felt awful and was grumbling and stressed all the way home tonight about how I just wanted to go to bed but the bills, school prep, and grocery prep were still on my to-do list. I got myself all worked up about what to move where to get it all done. I could feel myself getting angry and frustrated.

On top of everything else, a meeting I wanted to go to popped up unexpectedly for tomorrow plus I had promised Flicka the afternoon at the kids' museum. *sigh* So, (grumble, grumble, grumble), Momma would just have to suck it up and stay up 'til midnight AGAIN as well as give up a moms night out so the master schedule could run smoothly.

*the sound of screeching brakes*

Now, just hold on. This is a dance I do with myself several times a week. And, to be blunt, it stinks. So...why not let go of all these "shouldas" and see what else can be done? Do I NEED to go grocery shopping tomorrow - not really. I can scrape by for another day. And, who says I couldn't run to the store? Well, DUH!

Long story short? I'm going to bed as soon as I post this (or maybe after I finish NCIS: LA that I DVR'd the other night LOL). I finished school prep while the Vikings got ready for bed. The boy and I will make the Moms In Touch meeting as well as do bills while Flicka's in school in the morning. And, I'll do as much grocery prep as I can, and IF I get it done, we'll go shopping. If not, SO WHAT!? I'll take the kids to the museum and go shopping Friday.

Within 60 minutes, I am no longer a resentful, grumbling, unthankful loony toon! Just for changing my attitude and outlook as well as using some out-of-the-box-for-me thinking.

Now, for those of you with these skills naturally or have already acquired them, you are probably rolling your eyes. And, that's OK too. But, my control freak tendencies need to learn that if Plan A (or even B or C) don't work, our whole world will not collapse around me.

And, that my friends is my example for the day! LOL

Schedule AND an Attitude Change

As I've mentioned several times before, Change and I are not on very good terms. And, this transition to Flicka's kindergarten year has not been a smooth one.

Every plan we made failed. Talking about school in August put her in a panic. Checked out books about school? Made her cry. Made a countdown paper chain - each night she cried harder as the chain shortened.

Then, school actually started.

It took until day 10 of the new school year before Flicka didn't throw a 8.5 on the Richter scale level tantrum about getting up, getting dressed, eating breakfast, going to school, getting in the van, and getting out of the van every. single. morning. And, the first four days her teacher or the principal had to come get Flicka from the parking lot and escort her to class because she refused to get out of the van.

And, don't get me started with about getting her dressed. I tried to make it her "big girl" decision about what she could wear from her new selection of school clothes. First week, we tried picking out a week's worth of clothes and putting them in a cute little storage thingy I devised. That failed. Tantrum city. Second week, we went to picking out the outfit the night before. Still tantrums. Finally, this week, *I* pick out two outfits and she gets to pick from those...still fits of whining but definitely some improvement.

In the middle of the second week, I came to a realization. I needed to just let go of the process. I'd like to say this was easy but apparently my control freak tendencies have a sturdy grip of my psyche. I'm never without a plan. Never NOT thinking 30-60 minutes ahead. My tendency for conflict-avoidance along with my ADD-induced hyper-organized attempts to keep everything together keeps my brain working at 110% from the moment my feet hit the floor 'til I collapse into bed. Those of you who know me IRL can testify to this in great detail, I'm sure.

I've always been envious of my friends and fellow moms who have all their little charts and stars and new plans ready to go this time of the year. But, it was just TOO much change for us to cope.

So, I let go.

And, we took it day by day. Hour by hour. Minute by minute.

And, ya know what? Things got better. *I* felt better. Flicka got better. Pojke still rolled with it like he always does - bless his little heart. And, I felt happier. I began to be able to enjoy the one-on-one time with Pojke. A little 3-hour-a-day distance made the time with Flicka more enjoyable. Everything just didn't feel *so* intense any more.

I have also started to roll with our schedule better. And, I'm getting more done with the "free time" I have. I've added some "mommy-only" time which will better help me keep my head above water while DaHubby finishes another year of full time school while working 45+ hours a week. Blogging is coming easier. I've been asked to write a few guest posts on another site. I'm into the 3rd week of homeschool preschool with Pojke. And, DaHubby and I got away for a parent-only mini-vacation when we ran away from home last weekend to go canoeing! LOL

My housework schedule hasn't gotten back on track. And, our meals are still a little chaotic - we're kind of eating in shifts...something I didn't really ever want to do. But, it's all a work in progress. And, I'm cutting myself more slack.

How's that for adapting to change? Just don't check back here the first day one of the Vikings gets sick! LOL

Kindergarten prep Viking style

This is a post which makes me feel very conflicted. I had every intention of homeschooling Flicka for the first few years of elementary level schooling. However, due to the shakeup around here due to DaHubby's full time work with full time schooling, and due to his occasionally cut back hours which made us feel I might be going back to work this fall, I reluctantly enrolled Flicka in kindergarten.

I deliberately picked a kindergarten via Michigan's school-of-choice outside our current district. While our district is ranked in the top fifty districts in Michigan, we just didn't feel it was a good fit for us or for Flicka at this time.

That all being said - I still want Flicka as prepared as possible just like any other mom would. So, with a little research and with pulling out some homeschooling resources, we're having a mini-preK skills review the next three weeks.

I made up a calendar for myslef with the countdown and a list of skills. I also made a countdown device (which I'll share tomorrow for my Tuesday Tip Jar) and each day we will review a skill as was recommended on a handful of sites.

Yesterday, it was counting and numbers. We had Flicka counting everything we could find. For example, while we were waiting in line to eat after church, she counted the clean trays at the deli - up to 16 without assistance.

Today, it's practicing her name - knowing the letters, their sounds, and forming them. So, I typed out her full name in Comic Sans, blew it up to about 60 pt font, centered it, and copy/pasted it 6 times on a sheet of paper.

So, much of it is self-driven or opportunistic learning but the more the better to prepare for the big change of formal, structured, government school learning. LOL