Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Overwhelmed...again. *sigh*

Why am I so resistant to change? Why is my daily life so rocked and shattered by a break in my plan? Something as small as a spilled drink or as large as a major financial overhaul seems an equally insurmountable. I've often thought that change is related to control...especially with my ADD. A controlled, scheduled, planned environment provides a stable platform for my organizationally-challenged brain to accomplish what needs to be done.

And, it is this inflexibility that I find so aggravating in others when I can't seem to fit into someone else's plan.

And, what is all this angst doing to the Vikings...as I rush them to activities where we're running late because I had to finish just one more thing, blow up over stupid stuff, and can't (or won't) make time to just stop and play with the Vikings because dishes and laundry and deadlines can't wait?

Things are falling through the cracks again. Nothing major yet but my follow-through lately stinks! Blogging, emails, events with the kids, commitments for church, our homework for Financial Peace University, household "extras" above the standard daily housework. I'm getting TONS done but there's always leftovers. And, I always feel inadequate, even a failure when something simple gets forgotten, misplaced, broken, etc.

I know the Lord made me this way for a reason. I'd like to think that my ADD allows me to think outside-the-box as much research into others with it have revealed. But, even that creative thinking fights with my desperate need for order.

And, that's a whole 'nother issue: the only thing I should be desperate for is Christ and His word.

I'm still sorting it all out. Spending a lot (maybe too much) time in my head. Priorities still changing. Wanting to spend more time here but can't seem to find enough uninterrupted time to do it.

So I keep plugging along...


sara said...

Beth, I think you really DO do plenty. I'm not tryng to encourage laziness at all but maybe cut yourself some slack. Anyone, even someone without ADD, would be impressed by what you manage to get done. I'm not telling you but just suggesting - Maybe some of the things you can't seem to get to just aren't essential? The kids seem to be thriving, they're learning, enjoying, fed, clothed, and they certainly look happy. I'm beginning to think that with young children, them first and then - if the food is cooked, the bills are paid, the toilets clean and the dishes washed, it has been a very good day. Everything else is gravy. Please read this with a smile - this is me preaching to myself, lol. I am always so amazed to read about all the trips and fun things you do with the kids. I think that's so great.

Unashamed said...

Yeah, I have to agree with Sara. When you feel overwhelmed and inadequate and in over your head - that's the Accuser at work. Your All Sufficient God does not wag His finger at you and tell you that you don't measure up. Instead He bids you to "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest." All that you do, you do by His strength...and what you don't do is covered by His grace. You know this, but in your desperation you have forgotten and the evil one seeks to use that against you. Tell him to flee! Though he tries, he cannot steal the peace you have in your Jesus.

Lisa said...

I echo Sara and Anita. Your heart is in the right place. Please take it easy on yourself! (Don't go beating up on my friend Beth!)

Hugs to you!