Why am I so resistant to change? Why is my daily life so rocked and shattered by a break in my plan? Something as small as a spilled drink or as large as a major financial overhaul seems an equally insurmountable. I've often thought that change is related to control...especially with my ADD. A controlled, scheduled, planned environment provides a stable platform for my organizationally-challenged brain to accomplish what needs to be done.
And, it is this inflexibility that I find so aggravating in others when I can't seem to fit into someone else's plan.
And, what is all this angst doing to the Vikings...as I rush them to activities where we're running late because I had to finish just one more thing, blow up over stupid stuff, and can't (or won't) make time to just stop and play with the Vikings because dishes and laundry and deadlines can't wait?
Things are falling through the cracks again. Nothing major yet but my follow-through lately stinks! Blogging, emails, events with the kids, commitments for church, our homework for Financial Peace University, household "extras" above the standard daily housework. I'm getting TONS done but there's always leftovers. And, I always feel inadequate, even a failure when something simple gets forgotten, misplaced, broken, etc.
I know the Lord made me this way for a reason. I'd like to think that my ADD allows me to think outside-the-box as much research into others with it have revealed. But, even that creative thinking fights with my desperate need for order.
And, that's a whole 'nother issue: the only thing I should be desperate for is Christ and His word.
I'm still sorting it all out. Spending a lot (maybe too much) time in my head. Priorities still changing. Wanting to spend more time here but can't seem to find enough uninterrupted time to do it.
So I keep plugging along...