Most Sunday nights or Monday mornings, you would find me at my desk coordinating my week, checking upcoming events, glancing at my Google calendar, the kids' school calendar, (at this time of year) our family Advent calendar, and my housework program.
I coordinate all my tasks, to-do's, housework, events, reading, and craftiness onto one page that I follow through the week.
Blame my darn ADD but this is the only way I've consistently ever got anything done.
My ADD causes me unending anxiety...did I forget something, will I forget a crucial piece of paper, did I check this site or the bank accounts before heading out for grocery shopping, did I pay the bills, how long has it been since I cleaned the toilet, is it one of the kids' turn for treats? And, on and on and on.
Now, working on lowering my stress and anxiety has become more of a concrete thing since I've also been working on losing weight ESPECIALLY since I tend to be an emotional and "fidgety" eater...and I spend a lot of time emotional and fidgety with all this anxiety. LOL
Back to today...
I had put everything on hold this weekend because we had family visiting this weekend. Short of cooking for all of us, there were no to-do's and only visiting.
They didn't leave 'til this (Monday) morning. I put the kids on the bus, went and had breakfast with my parents before they headed back to the Detroit area, do my daily walk for the day, and, found that when I was done, it was about time for the kids' lunch hours so I stuck around for an extra 30 minutes and ate with them.
With no to-do list.
Arrived home to get a couple loads of laundry done, some dishes done, some computer work done, and *suddenly* it was time to wake up DaHubby (who had been sleeping all day due to being on a night shift schedule this week) and get ready to feed the kids when they got off the bus.
No checking off completed to-do's yet.
We ate together. More dishes. More laundry. Double-checking homework and book bags. Got DaHubs off to work.
Yet, still no to-do list had been made.
Now, I sit here with DaHubs gone at work and the kids in bed 15 minutes ago and when I sit down to finally make up my to-do list, it occurs to me: this was probably the best, most enjoyable day I've had in a really long time.
I think I'm going to start deliberately planning for an intentional "no to-do list day" regularly. My ADD-addled, control-freak-list-maker brain seems to benefit from a little free-flowing, free-thinking, free-to-respond time.
Showing posts with label ADD. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ADD. Show all posts
Monday, December 19, 2011
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Some things I'm learning...
My ADD has been un-medicated for nearly 8 years. I did well with meds when I was teaching full-time but during our infertility struggles, pregnancy losses, subsequent deliveries of Flicka and Pojke, and nursing both until nearly 24 months each, I spent from 2003 - 2008 either pregnant or nursing someone so I was unable to take any stimulants.
I'm a big advocate of metacognition and behavior mod - knowing *how* I learn and finding ways (and repeating them) to work around the difficulties my ADD contributes to my life. I've discovered many strategies that help me through any given day or any given challenge from potty training one of the Vikings to taking a college class.
So, I've been reading a new-to-me book called "Odd One Out: The Maverick's Guide to Adult ADD" by Jennifer Koretsky and she has some more ideas I might be trying soon...
ADD-ers often have trouble falling and staying asleep. So, they don't always sleep well and, as a result, often have difficulty getting up in the morning. Koretsky suggests using a multi-sensory idea that I really like.
Not only "get physical" for better focus, but also get visual. "Some ADDers find that visual stimulation allowed them to pay better attention. This may mean focusing on visual cues, like colors or written words." Koretsky went on to describe a client who was having trouble staying awake in a lecture class. By bringing colorful pictures and drawing with her to class, she found that simple being able to stae at the colors while listening tot he lecture activated her brain enough not to get bored and doze off.
And, don't forget the auditory. For me, I explain to people that ADD has "broken" the filters in my ears. It seems I can hear everything exactly the same volume from what's going in front of me to the person three rows back to the sounds coming from a distance hallway. And, it's hard to stay intent on just what's going on in front of me.
As a result, I'm often completely overwhelmed by crowd noise. This is my most frequent challenge on a regular basis - especially with small children. Repetitive, high pitched noise are *completely* my kryptonite! LOL After a long, busy day with the Vikings, silence is my best friend! However, for other ADD-ers who are auditory learners, they find that adding music or other background noise helps them concentrate.
Finally, many ADD-ers deal with impulsiveness as a symptom and/or they are also hyperactive and have trouble sitting still. Koretsky suggests several ways for an ADD-er to express themselves.
1. Move it: for example, use a vigorous workout to relieve your stress or take a leisurely walk to clear your head.
2. Write it: Koretsky highly recommends journaling for ADD management. It's a great way to process your thoughts, feelings, and frustrations.
3. Speak it: This one is my favorite. You ask any of my friends (particularly DaHubby LOL) how I best process things and it's through talking it out. Verbal processing helps me "clear the air" between my ears, organize my thoughts, and often reach a decision or solution on my own.
Finally, I love what the author says about communicating your differences to others. Her suggestion? Frame it with "I work best when...."
I may get feedback or criticism from people who don't "get" how my ADD affects me but Kortesky says "...don't apologize, don't justify, and don't try to change simply because someone else doesn't understand you." ADD-ers just need to say things like "I pay attention best when I can fidget" or "I actually read better when I have some background noise."
This book has given me some really solid strategies that will help me deal as well as help me to help others better understand what it is like to live inside my brain for a day! LOL
I'm a big advocate of metacognition and behavior mod - knowing *how* I learn and finding ways (and repeating them) to work around the difficulties my ADD contributes to my life. I've discovered many strategies that help me through any given day or any given challenge from potty training one of the Vikings to taking a college class.
So, I've been reading a new-to-me book called "Odd One Out: The Maverick's Guide to Adult ADD" by Jennifer Koretsky and she has some more ideas I might be trying soon...
ADD-ers often have trouble falling and staying asleep. So, they don't always sleep well and, as a result, often have difficulty getting up in the morning. Koretsky suggests using a multi-sensory idea that I really like.
"Instead of relying on your alarm clock alone, try engaging your senses. Leave the curtains open before bed so the sun comes in during the morning. Set a stereo in another room to go off when you need to get up. Set up an air freshener or aromatherapy diffuser to turn on around the same time. Don't just try to wake up your body, wake up your mind by activating your senses." (pg 67)Another thing I struggle with is sitting still through meetings and classes. I went to a seminar recently where the speakers provided all sorts of pipe cleaners, stress balls, and the like to play with and manipulate during the day. I LOVED it! For some ADD-ers, if their bodies are engaged with something, it's easier for their minds to pay attention. The author had some other ideas as well.
Not only "get physical" for better focus, but also get visual. "Some ADDers find that visual stimulation allowed them to pay better attention. This may mean focusing on visual cues, like colors or written words." Koretsky went on to describe a client who was having trouble staying awake in a lecture class. By bringing colorful pictures and drawing with her to class, she found that simple being able to stae at the colors while listening tot he lecture activated her brain enough not to get bored and doze off.
And, don't forget the auditory. For me, I explain to people that ADD has "broken" the filters in my ears. It seems I can hear everything exactly the same volume from what's going in front of me to the person three rows back to the sounds coming from a distance hallway. And, it's hard to stay intent on just what's going on in front of me.
As a result, I'm often completely overwhelmed by crowd noise. This is my most frequent challenge on a regular basis - especially with small children. Repetitive, high pitched noise are *completely* my kryptonite! LOL After a long, busy day with the Vikings, silence is my best friend! However, for other ADD-ers who are auditory learners, they find that adding music or other background noise helps them concentrate.
Finally, many ADD-ers deal with impulsiveness as a symptom and/or they are also hyperactive and have trouble sitting still. Koretsky suggests several ways for an ADD-er to express themselves.
1. Move it: for example, use a vigorous workout to relieve your stress or take a leisurely walk to clear your head.
2. Write it: Koretsky highly recommends journaling for ADD management. It's a great way to process your thoughts, feelings, and frustrations.
3. Speak it: This one is my favorite. You ask any of my friends (particularly DaHubby LOL) how I best process things and it's through talking it out. Verbal processing helps me "clear the air" between my ears, organize my thoughts, and often reach a decision or solution on my own.
Finally, I love what the author says about communicating your differences to others. Her suggestion? Frame it with "I work best when...."
I may get feedback or criticism from people who don't "get" how my ADD affects me but Kortesky says "...don't apologize, don't justify, and don't try to change simply because someone else doesn't understand you." ADD-ers just need to say things like "I pay attention best when I can fidget" or "I actually read better when I have some background noise."
This book has given me some really solid strategies that will help me deal as well as help me to help others better understand what it is like to live inside my brain for a day! LOL
Monday, January 31, 2011
Too much ADD to even make a point
I'm looking at a fairly long list of things that have been bumping around in my brain today but can't seem to SETTLE on one and expand on it. LOL I've been completely overwhelmed with life today despite there being relatively little going on in the grand scheme of things.
While I wonder sometimes what God had in mind when He wired my brain this way, I am still in the camp that slowly came to realize that this is often as much of a blessing and a gift as it is a major pain in the butt.
My biggest trigger is sound...especially REPETITIVE sound. And, if you've ever had young children in your house, you can only imagine how crazy and around-the-bend I get by the end of any given day. LOL
I've explained it as ADDers "ear filters" are broken. It feels like I can hear everything exactly the same volume with no way to turn any of it down. Even sitting here typing, I can hear the keys clacking, the Vikings' baby snores, the air filter thing buzzing telling me it's time to wipe down the innards, and some traffic going by at the end of our block. And, somehow, I've gotta pick out what's important and try (and try and try) to stay focused on just that one thing.
And, as stress goes up so do one's ADD symptoms...and our life has been chocked FULL.
In the last year, my ADD has manifest itself in ways it never has before (with still embarrassing results) but I've also found some better ways of coping with it as well.
From an ADD/ADHD management/coaching group: " You wake up feeling like you’re running behind. You go to bed feeling like you didn’t accomplish enough. You’re always stressed out. In general, you feel overwhelmed, unorganized, unproductive, lazy, and guilty."
And, I'd add an over-reaching sense of anxiety about every minute from when one's eyes open until the time one falls into bed exhausted. That anxiety is a tough taskmaster - making one feel like he/she is not matching up and/or keeping up with the world. One feels like he/she is juggling a tall, teetering pile of life just within reach and just about to tip out of control.
I've been med-free since I got pregnant with Flicka in 2003. And, I had every intention of going back on some type of ADD stimulant as soon as I weaned Pojke. However, when we updated on life insurance stuff after his birth, the agent told me that my premiums would be higher than DaHubby's (whose family has a strong history of health issues) simply because my ADD meds were a stroke-risk. And, I figured if anything I was putting in my body made me THAT big of a risk for droppin' dead on the sidewalk at any random time then it was time to start learning some more behavioral stuff for coping with the day-to-day mess that can be my life.
And, all this has been rattling in my brain even more so than usual since Flicka's report came home this quarter. Comments about her messiness, social-ness, and her difficulty focusing during whole class activities have my "momma alarms" going off.
My experience as a kid and then as a teacher has been that (on average - no assumption covers ALL students) male student ADDers are located and diagnosed more quickly because they tend to express their ADD by acting out and disrupting a classroom. However, female student ADDers (again on average) tend to withdraw and the ADD symptoms manifest more with "air head" and organizational problems.
While I don't want to jump the gun, label Flicka early, stuff her full of meds, etc., I also do not want her growing up being considered the "air head" and having self-esteem issues because she sees how much easier some of the organizational and academic stuff comes to her classmates...exactly what it was like for me.
So, for now, I'm focusing on being the adult for Flicka that I wanted someone to be for me when I was feeling lost, clueless, and less than others all those years before I got my diagnosis and my "ah HA moment".
Teaching more metacognition (knowledge about HOW she learns) and how to use her strengths to be successful.
Modeling what I'm doing to keep me organized and on-task sometimes.
Being as patient as possible with the messes and with the continually forgotten and lost objects.
Keeping up with fair and consistent natural consequences (a la Love and Logic)
Like ADD symptoms themselves, no one symptom is a deal-breaker or a sure-fire diagnosis but when SEVERAL come together in a way to affect quality of life, some intervention needs to be undertaken.
Well, my parenting goals taken one by one sound like goals any parent could have but taken together, I may be able to jump into her development early enough that she finds coping mechanisms so natural that any ADD symptoms she MAY one day manifest in a greater way don't disrupt her lie and she can focus on all the blessings they can provide!
While I wonder sometimes what God had in mind when He wired my brain this way, I am still in the camp that slowly came to realize that this is often as much of a blessing and a gift as it is a major pain in the butt.
My biggest trigger is sound...especially REPETITIVE sound. And, if you've ever had young children in your house, you can only imagine how crazy and around-the-bend I get by the end of any given day. LOL
I've explained it as ADDers "ear filters" are broken. It feels like I can hear everything exactly the same volume with no way to turn any of it down. Even sitting here typing, I can hear the keys clacking, the Vikings' baby snores, the air filter thing buzzing telling me it's time to wipe down the innards, and some traffic going by at the end of our block. And, somehow, I've gotta pick out what's important and try (and try and try) to stay focused on just that one thing.
And, as stress goes up so do one's ADD symptoms...and our life has been chocked FULL.
In the last year, my ADD has manifest itself in ways it never has before (with still embarrassing results) but I've also found some better ways of coping with it as well.
From an ADD/ADHD management/coaching group: " You wake up feeling like you’re running behind. You go to bed feeling like you didn’t accomplish enough. You’re always stressed out. In general, you feel overwhelmed, unorganized, unproductive, lazy, and guilty."
And, I'd add an over-reaching sense of anxiety about every minute from when one's eyes open until the time one falls into bed exhausted. That anxiety is a tough taskmaster - making one feel like he/she is not matching up and/or keeping up with the world. One feels like he/she is juggling a tall, teetering pile of life just within reach and just about to tip out of control.
I've been med-free since I got pregnant with Flicka in 2003. And, I had every intention of going back on some type of ADD stimulant as soon as I weaned Pojke. However, when we updated on life insurance stuff after his birth, the agent told me that my premiums would be higher than DaHubby's (whose family has a strong history of health issues) simply because my ADD meds were a stroke-risk. And, I figured if anything I was putting in my body made me THAT big of a risk for droppin' dead on the sidewalk at any random time then it was time to start learning some more behavioral stuff for coping with the day-to-day mess that can be my life.
And, all this has been rattling in my brain even more so than usual since Flicka's report came home this quarter. Comments about her messiness, social-ness, and her difficulty focusing during whole class activities have my "momma alarms" going off.
My experience as a kid and then as a teacher has been that (on average - no assumption covers ALL students) male student ADDers are located and diagnosed more quickly because they tend to express their ADD by acting out and disrupting a classroom. However, female student ADDers (again on average) tend to withdraw and the ADD symptoms manifest more with "air head" and organizational problems.
While I don't want to jump the gun, label Flicka early, stuff her full of meds, etc., I also do not want her growing up being considered the "air head" and having self-esteem issues because she sees how much easier some of the organizational and academic stuff comes to her classmates...exactly what it was like for me.
So, for now, I'm focusing on being the adult for Flicka that I wanted someone to be for me when I was feeling lost, clueless, and less than others all those years before I got my diagnosis and my "ah HA moment".
Teaching more metacognition (knowledge about HOW she learns) and how to use her strengths to be successful.
Modeling what I'm doing to keep me organized and on-task sometimes.
Being as patient as possible with the messes and with the continually forgotten and lost objects.
Keeping up with fair and consistent natural consequences (a la Love and Logic)
Like ADD symptoms themselves, no one symptom is a deal-breaker or a sure-fire diagnosis but when SEVERAL come together in a way to affect quality of life, some intervention needs to be undertaken.
Well, my parenting goals taken one by one sound like goals any parent could have but taken together, I may be able to jump into her development early enough that she finds coping mechanisms so natural that any ADD symptoms she MAY one day manifest in a greater way don't disrupt her lie and she can focus on all the blessings they can provide!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Walking Away
I tend to talk...a lot. LOL And, I tend to work things out in my head by talking them through with someone. I've learned this about myself and I am blessed to have a couple trusted friends and family I talk to when coming up on big decisions.
Then, due to my ADD, I tend to speak first and think later. LOL And, because of that, I tend to obsess about losing friends due to my ADD due to interrupting/impulse problems, forgetfulness of details, and just generally socially awkward.
But, sometimes the ADD is a blessing...and my brain surprises me with some raw insight.
I was chatting with someone from church tonight about our current living situation with the kids and I here and DaHubby in Illinois. It's been a rough week here at the Viking Hus - we've hit a type of wall with regards to missing DaHubby. We were running pretty smoothly until the last few days when everything kinda fell apart.
I described my surprise at how much harder this season is than I expected and my frustration and how anxious I am to get over there to DaHubby. Then, I surprised myself by saying "y'know, I don't even wanna pack. There's nothing really in the house I can't do without. I'm tempted to just leave it all there and just GO!"
And, my brain went "WHOA" for a second.
If there were no negative consequences to DaHubby's new employment or our combined financial lives, I'm really tempted to just walk away from this house and all its STUFF!
My latest Bible study has been a book called "Becoming a Woman of Simplicity." We've had conversations about our schedules, our kids' schedules, our homes, etc. We've talked about our goals and our dreams about what "simplicity" would look like for each of us but this comment really caught me unawares about what is really going on in my head. LOL
So, now I ponder what it all really means.
Then, due to my ADD, I tend to speak first and think later. LOL And, because of that, I tend to obsess about losing friends due to my ADD due to interrupting/impulse problems, forgetfulness of details, and just generally socially awkward.
But, sometimes the ADD is a blessing...and my brain surprises me with some raw insight.
I was chatting with someone from church tonight about our current living situation with the kids and I here and DaHubby in Illinois. It's been a rough week here at the Viking Hus - we've hit a type of wall with regards to missing DaHubby. We were running pretty smoothly until the last few days when everything kinda fell apart.
I described my surprise at how much harder this season is than I expected and my frustration and how anxious I am to get over there to DaHubby. Then, I surprised myself by saying "y'know, I don't even wanna pack. There's nothing really in the house I can't do without. I'm tempted to just leave it all there and just GO!"
And, my brain went "WHOA" for a second.
If there were no negative consequences to DaHubby's new employment or our combined financial lives, I'm really tempted to just walk away from this house and all its STUFF!
My latest Bible study has been a book called "Becoming a Woman of Simplicity." We've had conversations about our schedules, our kids' schedules, our homes, etc. We've talked about our goals and our dreams about what "simplicity" would look like for each of us but this comment really caught me unawares about what is really going on in my head. LOL
So, now I ponder what it all really means.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
One month later...a 95% Motivated Mom! LOL
Well, as of yesterday, I have been on my new housework organizer one month from motivatedmoms.com. And, I think I can easily say EVERYONE around the Viking Hus is really enjoying the fruits of our labors.
The dishes are being kept up with; the laundry is done regularly, too. The kitchen floor has been mopped more often in the last 30 days than ever before. The bathroom is cleaner than any time since we've moved in this house. And, the kids rooms have stayed clean for....wait for it...THREE weeks straight!
The biggest adjustments have been (1) finding a solid block of time and (2) breaking the pattern of addiction with my to-do list. LOL
I find that if I can get 30-40 minutes uninterrupted, I can knock out 90% of the planner's list. Most times that is immediately after I drop Flicka off at school and return home, but not always.
And, I guess I'm starting small with the second issue. LOL I've learned to start saying "no" and "enough" to myself. For example, I majorly fell off the housework wagon the last week and went back to "survival level" maintenance tasks. Due to DaHubby's finals and graduation along with celebratory dinners, graduation party, our wedding anniversary, and the fact we're leaving for a road trip in less than 12 hours, things have been a little off kilter on the to-do list to say the least.
But, just like I've found this lovely button on Google Reader labeled "mark all as read" which I've learned to click without TOO much hesitation when I have 200+ blog posts sitting waiting to be read, I've found the ability to look at my to-do list and just say "this can wait" or "this doesn't need to be done now" or, better yet, "this doesn't need to be done EVER" with relatively little remorse.
I drop nearly a dozen things over the last 4-6 days. *gasp* Did the world come to an end? Did DaHubby pick up and leave because I didn't sweep the porch on the day the housework list told me to? NO! I needed to remember that *I* am in charge of the to-do list and not the other way around. LOL
So, after we get back from our little jog across the state, I'll start the new sheet for Monday. Until then? I'm going complete to-do list free (well, nearly LOL) for the remainder of the weekend!
If you are looking for a housework planner and you haven't found one that fits yet, I would highly recommend motivatedmoms.com
The dishes are being kept up with; the laundry is done regularly, too. The kitchen floor has been mopped more often in the last 30 days than ever before. The bathroom is cleaner than any time since we've moved in this house. And, the kids rooms have stayed clean for....wait for it...THREE weeks straight!
The biggest adjustments have been (1) finding a solid block of time and (2) breaking the pattern of addiction with my to-do list. LOL
I find that if I can get 30-40 minutes uninterrupted, I can knock out 90% of the planner's list. Most times that is immediately after I drop Flicka off at school and return home, but not always.
And, I guess I'm starting small with the second issue. LOL I've learned to start saying "no" and "enough" to myself. For example, I majorly fell off the housework wagon the last week and went back to "survival level" maintenance tasks. Due to DaHubby's finals and graduation along with celebratory dinners, graduation party, our wedding anniversary, and the fact we're leaving for a road trip in less than 12 hours, things have been a little off kilter on the to-do list to say the least.
But, just like I've found this lovely button on Google Reader labeled "mark all as read" which I've learned to click without TOO much hesitation when I have 200+ blog posts sitting waiting to be read, I've found the ability to look at my to-do list and just say "this can wait" or "this doesn't need to be done now" or, better yet, "this doesn't need to be done EVER" with relatively little remorse.
I drop nearly a dozen things over the last 4-6 days. *gasp* Did the world come to an end? Did DaHubby pick up and leave because I didn't sweep the porch on the day the housework list told me to? NO! I needed to remember that *I* am in charge of the to-do list and not the other way around. LOL
So, after we get back from our little jog across the state, I'll start the new sheet for Monday. Until then? I'm going complete to-do list free (well, nearly LOL) for the remainder of the weekend!
If you are looking for a housework planner and you haven't found one that fits yet, I would highly recommend motivatedmoms.com
Monday, April 12, 2010
One week later...
Last Monday, I bought a new housework planner. To be honest, I was desperate to find something to help me get on top of keeping my home clean. Yet, I had low expectations since I go through organizational attempts like overweight people go through diet plans - I've tried most of them.
I've read "Sidetracked Home Executives" TWICE but there was just WAY too much up-front work getting all the index cards filled out and organized by daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, and yearly. LOL
I thought about trying out FlyLady but for various reasons (the 30-day warm up, the sheer number of reminder emails, and the insistence of doing your hair and wearing shoes first thing in the morning) it just didn't seem like me. LOL
Then, one of my favorite bloggy moms mentioned recently she was using a Motivated Moms housework planner. So, I went to the site and looked at some of the sample pages here, here, and here.
I went ahead and pick the one I felt best fit me and popped for the $7 (I had an online coupon code for $1 off). When I posted on Facebook that I'd be starting the planner the following day, I got some feedback from a fellow SAHM that a list like that would completely overwhelm her at this stage of her life. And, I agree...to a point.
As an ADD-er, I'm entirely familiar with the idea of being overwhelmed. However, being the "housework boss" still leaves me in control. I just need help with the breaking down of projects into smaller, more manageable pieces.
Many of the things listed on the planner either don't apply to me or aren't a priority for us. Vacuum? I have hard wood floors. Dust the porch light? Seriously? So, I just cross it off the list. But, helping me remember to rotate out my dish cloths and towels regularly? You better believe I need help in that area.
Also, many of the everyday things are things I was already doing: running a load of laundry, running a load of dishes, rinse kitchen and bathroom sink, plan and cook dinner, etc. And, of the 5-8 things added each day, I'm practicing some new "delegation" skills and generally can hand off nearly half to DaHubby and the Vikings.
For example, my list for tomorrow has the following:
change dishcloth/towel (Flicka)
change towels in bathroom (Pojke)
inventory fridge to plan meals (me)
vacuum (the one area rug in living room - Pojke)
vacuum living rm furniture (Flicka)
clean toilets (Flicka w/vinegar and baking soda and some supervision)
replenish TP stock (Pojke)
Notice how only one of those is actually mine. LOL
So, it's one week in and what do I think? It takes me a little more time but everyone is loving the results! And, Momma's happier with the whole less clutter and cleaner-appearing environs. And, ya know the old saying: "if Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy"? The reverse is also true.
So, I'm planning to schedule another post at the one month mark and see how I feel then. If I'm still sticking to it, it may be the best thing that's happened to the Viking Hus in a while!
I've read "Sidetracked Home Executives" TWICE but there was just WAY too much up-front work getting all the index cards filled out and organized by daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, and yearly. LOL
I thought about trying out FlyLady but for various reasons (the 30-day warm up, the sheer number of reminder emails, and the insistence of doing your hair and wearing shoes first thing in the morning) it just didn't seem like me. LOL
Then, one of my favorite bloggy moms mentioned recently she was using a Motivated Moms housework planner. So, I went to the site and looked at some of the sample pages here, here, and here.
I went ahead and pick the one I felt best fit me and popped for the $7 (I had an online coupon code for $1 off). When I posted on Facebook that I'd be starting the planner the following day, I got some feedback from a fellow SAHM that a list like that would completely overwhelm her at this stage of her life. And, I agree...to a point.
As an ADD-er, I'm entirely familiar with the idea of being overwhelmed. However, being the "housework boss" still leaves me in control. I just need help with the breaking down of projects into smaller, more manageable pieces.
Many of the things listed on the planner either don't apply to me or aren't a priority for us. Vacuum? I have hard wood floors. Dust the porch light? Seriously? So, I just cross it off the list. But, helping me remember to rotate out my dish cloths and towels regularly? You better believe I need help in that area.
Also, many of the everyday things are things I was already doing: running a load of laundry, running a load of dishes, rinse kitchen and bathroom sink, plan and cook dinner, etc. And, of the 5-8 things added each day, I'm practicing some new "delegation" skills and generally can hand off nearly half to DaHubby and the Vikings.
For example, my list for tomorrow has the following:
change dishcloth/towel (Flicka)
change towels in bathroom (Pojke)
inventory fridge to plan meals (me)
vacuum (the one area rug in living room - Pojke)
vacuum living rm furniture (Flicka)
clean toilets (Flicka w/vinegar and baking soda and some supervision)
replenish TP stock (Pojke)
Notice how only one of those is actually mine. LOL
So, it's one week in and what do I think? It takes me a little more time but everyone is loving the results! And, Momma's happier with the whole less clutter and cleaner-appearing environs. And, ya know the old saying: "if Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy"? The reverse is also true.
So, I'm planning to schedule another post at the one month mark and see how I feel then. If I'm still sticking to it, it may be the best thing that's happened to the Viking Hus in a while!
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Things I Learned Over Spring Break
Spring Break is over as of tomorrow at the Vikings Hus. And, to be honest, I'm torn.
First, I learned things about our time management.
The ADD-er in me like the external structure Flicka's school day imposes on me. We *must* get up and be out of the house by 7:30am so much more is accomplished in the AM hours. This is one thing I noticed as I let our natural clocks take over and let the Vikings stay up 'til 9 or 9:30pm (and on one particular night 10pm) which resulted in all of us waking up between 8-9am the next morning. LOL
On the other hand, as an ADD-er, I *really* stink at sticking to a schedule and I feel extended and heightened anxiety keeping us on one. So, I admit that I love breaking from the structure and enjoying the freedom that comes with my impulsive decisions. LOL
However, I did find that the Vikings are probably not sleeping enough. Prior to vacation, the kids generally go to bed between 8-8:30 and get up between 6:45-7am, resulting in about 10-11 hours of sleep. But, when I let them stay up late and sleep in, they slept 12 hours.
Since they are resisting bedtime after the time change and the extended daylight and have long since dropped an afternoon nap, I'm at somewhat of an impasse. Our evening activities often go 'til 8pm so making their bedtime earlier isn't a realistic option. Dropping their activities altogether means no midweek church and no swim lessons. Hmmm - a momma dilemma.
Secondly, being off school also brought back the desire to homeschool. Yes, homeschool, even with said problems with schedules, structures, and such (see above LOL). While Flicka is doing well, she is the only girl remaining in her kindergarten class and there are resulting concerns as well as focusing on more of a Bible-based education.
Third, I've discovered my daughter has some *seriously* crazy planning abilities. LOL Before vacation began, I made a grid of sorts of our week off and started plugging in activities scheduled over those days. Then, we brainstormed a list of additional possibilities and tried to see if we could fit some of them in. Flicka THRIVED on knowing exactly what we were doing each day and the next. Each night ended with the question "so what's on the schedule for tomorrow, Mom?"
And, while I spent most of the week pleading with DaHubby to take a break from his studies to take the Vikings for an hour or two due to some awful demonstrations of siblingbig time wrestling rivalry and flagrant disobedience, I know I also will miss having both Vikings with me over the next few weeks 'til Flicka's graduation in June...that is if I survive DaHubby's finals week and graduation May 2nd!
First, I learned things about our time management.
The ADD-er in me like the external structure Flicka's school day imposes on me. We *must* get up and be out of the house by 7:30am so much more is accomplished in the AM hours. This is one thing I noticed as I let our natural clocks take over and let the Vikings stay up 'til 9 or 9:30pm (and on one particular night 10pm) which resulted in all of us waking up between 8-9am the next morning. LOL
On the other hand, as an ADD-er, I *really* stink at sticking to a schedule and I feel extended and heightened anxiety keeping us on one. So, I admit that I love breaking from the structure and enjoying the freedom that comes with my impulsive decisions. LOL
However, I did find that the Vikings are probably not sleeping enough. Prior to vacation, the kids generally go to bed between 8-8:30 and get up between 6:45-7am, resulting in about 10-11 hours of sleep. But, when I let them stay up late and sleep in, they slept 12 hours.
Since they are resisting bedtime after the time change and the extended daylight and have long since dropped an afternoon nap, I'm at somewhat of an impasse. Our evening activities often go 'til 8pm so making their bedtime earlier isn't a realistic option. Dropping their activities altogether means no midweek church and no swim lessons. Hmmm - a momma dilemma.
Secondly, being off school also brought back the desire to homeschool. Yes, homeschool, even with said problems with schedules, structures, and such (see above LOL). While Flicka is doing well, she is the only girl remaining in her kindergarten class and there are resulting concerns as well as focusing on more of a Bible-based education.
Third, I've discovered my daughter has some *seriously* crazy planning abilities. LOL Before vacation began, I made a grid of sorts of our week off and started plugging in activities scheduled over those days. Then, we brainstormed a list of additional possibilities and tried to see if we could fit some of them in. Flicka THRIVED on knowing exactly what we were doing each day and the next. Each night ended with the question "so what's on the schedule for tomorrow, Mom?"
And, while I spent most of the week pleading with DaHubby to take a break from his studies to take the Vikings for an hour or two due to some awful demonstrations of sibling
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
The fastest way to drive an ADDer insane?
Give 'em unstructured time...
And/or change their schedule.
Both of which have been happening here in the last 3 weeks. And, of course, I'm not the only ADDer in this house so it has been doubly bad.
In addition to the stress of DaHubby's layoff and no income for the last 2 weeks, the large stacks of paperwork, the long to-do lists, multiple "side hustles" in progress, and chunks of unstructured time multiplied by two people desperately trying to stay organized and get things accomplished with an unstructured amount of time is just a recipe for disaster. LOL
But I think we're hanging in there OK. Even if just by our teeth and fingernails.
I've taken to old habits. EVERYTHING goes on a list - either virtually in my iPod or on paper. DaHubby's taken to using Google calendar to keep me and one of his side hustle bosses informed of when he's free to do work for him.
But, the skeleton of structure we're basically following are our class schedules. Whether it's Flicka's school, Pojke's YMCA class, DaHubby's classes or my ASL class, everything is pretty fluid around those things.
Lucky for that "and" or I'd feel like a real dork being the only one fighting all six of those symptoms. LOL
So, for those of you that know us IRL, please take pity and exercise patience. LOL We're pedaling and trying to keep up as best we can.
And/or change their schedule.
Both of which have been happening here in the last 3 weeks. And, of course, I'm not the only ADDer in this house so it has been doubly bad.
In addition to the stress of DaHubby's layoff and no income for the last 2 weeks, the large stacks of paperwork, the long to-do lists, multiple "side hustles" in progress, and chunks of unstructured time multiplied by two people desperately trying to stay organized and get things accomplished with an unstructured amount of time is just a recipe for disaster. LOL
But I think we're hanging in there OK. Even if just by our teeth and fingernails.
I've taken to old habits. EVERYTHING goes on a list - either virtually in my iPod or on paper. DaHubby's taken to using Google calendar to keep me and one of his side hustle bosses informed of when he's free to do work for him.
But, the skeleton of structure we're basically following are our class schedules. Whether it's Flicka's school, Pojke's YMCA class, DaHubby's classes or my ASL class, everything is pretty fluid around those things.
"Adult ADD is what we call any of several syndromes that interfere with adults' psychological functions such as planning, managing time and tasks, and making decisions.
"People with this problem may experience difficulty in the following activities: avoiding distractions, remembering and organizing information and things, starting and finishing tasks being on time, set and ordering priorities, acting and (my emphasis) speaking out inappropriately...
"For people with ADD, time often appears as a continuum that rolls on and on and so does not provide that framework, and, therefore, is of no help in organizing, planning or prioritizing."source
Lucky for that "and" or I'd feel like a real dork being the only one fighting all six of those symptoms. LOL
So, for those of you that know us IRL, please take pity and exercise patience. LOL We're pedaling and trying to keep up as best we can.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
A Practical Application
When I wrote last night about my attempt to be more flexible with our schedule, I didn't think I'd be presented with an opportunity so quickly so to share. LOL
But, tonight is a perfect example. And, in the last hour since we got home from midweek church events, my entire attitude has changed.
I haven't been feeling particularly well today thanks to a bad case of the monthly grouchies. Wednesday is one of our busiest days between kindergarten, errands, my morning Bible study, choir practice, and midweek evening church stuff. In addition, bills are to be paid on Wednesdays. And, I'm supposed to prep for grocery shopping since that's been moved to Thursday mornings. And, I had to finish prepping for Pojke's preschool for the rest of the week.
So, I felt awful and was grumbling and stressed all the way home tonight about how I just wanted to go to bed but the bills, school prep, and grocery prep were still on my to-do list. I got myself all worked up about what to move where to get it all done. I could feel myself getting angry and frustrated.
On top of everything else, a meeting I wanted to go to popped up unexpectedly for tomorrow plus I had promised Flicka the afternoon at the kids' museum. *sigh* So, (grumble, grumble, grumble), Momma would just have to suck it up and stay up 'til midnight AGAIN as well as give up a moms night out so the master schedule could run smoothly.
*the sound of screeching brakes*
Now, just hold on. This is a dance I do with myself several times a week. And, to be blunt, it stinks. So...why not let go of all these "shouldas" and see what else can be done? Do I NEED to go grocery shopping tomorrow - not really. I can scrape by for another day. And, who says I couldn't run to the store? Well, DUH!
Long story short? I'm going to bed as soon as I post this (or maybe after I finish NCIS: LA that I DVR'd the other night LOL). I finished school prep while the Vikings got ready for bed. The boy and I will make the Moms In Touch meeting as well as do bills while Flicka's in school in the morning. And, I'll do as much grocery prep as I can, and IF I get it done, we'll go shopping. If not, SO WHAT!? I'll take the kids to the museum and go shopping Friday.
Within 60 minutes, I am no longer a resentful, grumbling, unthankful loony toon! Just for changing my attitude and outlook as well as using some out-of-the-box-for-me thinking.
Now, for those of you with these skills naturally or have already acquired them, you are probably rolling your eyes. And, that's OK too. But, my control freak tendencies need to learn that if Plan A (or even B or C) don't work, our whole world will not collapse around me.
And, that my friends is my example for the day! LOL
But, tonight is a perfect example. And, in the last hour since we got home from midweek church events, my entire attitude has changed.
I haven't been feeling particularly well today thanks to a bad case of the monthly grouchies. Wednesday is one of our busiest days between kindergarten, errands, my morning Bible study, choir practice, and midweek evening church stuff. In addition, bills are to be paid on Wednesdays. And, I'm supposed to prep for grocery shopping since that's been moved to Thursday mornings. And, I had to finish prepping for Pojke's preschool for the rest of the week.
So, I felt awful and was grumbling and stressed all the way home tonight about how I just wanted to go to bed but the bills, school prep, and grocery prep were still on my to-do list. I got myself all worked up about what to move where to get it all done. I could feel myself getting angry and frustrated.
On top of everything else, a meeting I wanted to go to popped up unexpectedly for tomorrow plus I had promised Flicka the afternoon at the kids' museum. *sigh* So, (grumble, grumble, grumble), Momma would just have to suck it up and stay up 'til midnight AGAIN as well as give up a moms night out so the master schedule could run smoothly.
*the sound of screeching brakes*
Now, just hold on. This is a dance I do with myself several times a week. And, to be blunt, it stinks. So...why not let go of all these "shouldas" and see what else can be done? Do I NEED to go grocery shopping tomorrow - not really. I can scrape by for another day. And, who says I couldn't run to the store? Well, DUH!
Long story short? I'm going to bed as soon as I post this (or maybe after I finish NCIS: LA that I DVR'd the other night LOL). I finished school prep while the Vikings got ready for bed. The boy and I will make the Moms In Touch meeting as well as do bills while Flicka's in school in the morning. And, I'll do as much grocery prep as I can, and IF I get it done, we'll go shopping. If not, SO WHAT!? I'll take the kids to the museum and go shopping Friday.
Within 60 minutes, I am no longer a resentful, grumbling, unthankful loony toon! Just for changing my attitude and outlook as well as using some out-of-the-box-for-me thinking.
Now, for those of you with these skills naturally or have already acquired them, you are probably rolling your eyes. And, that's OK too. But, my control freak tendencies need to learn that if Plan A (or even B or C) don't work, our whole world will not collapse around me.
And, that my friends is my example for the day! LOL
Schedule AND an Attitude Change
As I've mentioned several times before, Change and I are not on very good terms. And, this transition to Flicka's kindergarten year has not been a smooth one.
Every plan we made failed. Talking about school in August put her in a panic. Checked out books about school? Made her cry. Made a countdown paper chain - each night she cried harder as the chain shortened.
Every plan we made failed. Talking about school in August put her in a panic. Checked out books about school? Made her cry. Made a countdown paper chain - each night she cried harder as the chain shortened.
Then, school actually started.
It took until day 10 of the new school year before Flicka didn't throw a 8.5 on the Richter scale level tantrum about getting up, getting dressed, eating breakfast, going to school, getting in the van, and getting out of the van every. single. morning. And, the first four days her teacher or the principal had to come get Flicka from the parking lot and escort her to class because she refused to get out of the van.
And, don't get me started with about getting her dressed. I tried to make it her "big girl" decision about what she could wear from her new selection of school clothes. First week, we tried picking out a week's worth of clothes and putting them in a cute little storage thingy I devised. That failed. Tantrum city. Second week, we went to picking out the outfit the night before. Still tantrums. Finally, this week, *I* pick out two outfits and she gets to pick from those...still fits of whining but definitely some improvement.
And, don't get me started with about getting her dressed. I tried to make it her "big girl" decision about what she could wear from her new selection of school clothes. First week, we tried picking out a week's worth of clothes and putting them in a cute little storage thingy I devised. That failed. Tantrum city. Second week, we went to picking out the outfit the night before. Still tantrums. Finally, this week, *I* pick out two outfits and she gets to pick from those...still fits of whining but definitely some improvement.
I've always been envious of my friends and fellow moms who have all their little charts and stars and new plans ready to go this time of the year. But, it was just TOO much change for us to cope.
So, I let go.
And, we took it day by day. Hour by hour. Minute by minute.
And, ya know what? Things got better. *I* felt better. Flicka got better. Pojke still rolled with it like he always does - bless his little heart. And, I felt happier. I began to be able to enjoy the one-on-one time with Pojke. A little 3-hour-a-day distance made the time with Flicka more enjoyable. Everything just didn't feel *so* intense any more.
I have also started to roll with our schedule better. And, I'm getting more done with the "free time" I have. I've added some "mommy-only" time which will better help me keep my head above water while DaHubby finishes another year of full time school while working 45+ hours a week. Blogging is coming easier. I've been asked to write a few guest posts on another site. I'm into the 3rd week of homeschool preschool with Pojke. And, DaHubby and I got away for a parent-only mini-vacation when we ran away from home last weekend to go canoeing! LOL
My housework schedule hasn't gotten back on track. And, our meals are still a little chaotic - we're kind of eating in shifts...something I didn't really ever want to do. But, it's all a work in progress. And, I'm cutting myself more slack.
How's that for adapting to change? Just don't check back here the first day one of the Vikings gets sick! LOL
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Challenges of Having Adult ADD
Blurting things out
Clutter-physical leading to mental and emotional
Daydreamer
Defensiveness
Depression
Emotional self-flagellation
Forgetting things
Getting lost
Hypersensitivity
Hypersensitivity in relationships
Impatient, impulsive, distractive
Lacking attention/ wandering mind
Losing concentration during conversation
Losing things
Messy
Negative self-talk
Never finishes jobs
Often occupied with self or easily distracted so difficult to maintaining Concentration
One-upmanship
Organizational problems
Over talkative
Pessimistic
Procrastination
Time management
Undisciplined
Unfocused, disorganized, forgetful
Sounds like a regular day around here! LOL I exhibit nearly all 26 everyday! *wink*
(list from Pete Quily - adult ADD coach)
Clutter-physical leading to mental and emotional
Daydreamer
Defensiveness
Depression
Emotional self-flagellation
Forgetting things
Getting lost
Hypersensitivity
Hypersensitivity in relationships
Impatient, impulsive, distractive
Lacking attention/ wandering mind
Losing concentration during conversation
Losing things
Messy
Negative self-talk
Never finishes jobs
Often occupied with self or easily distracted so difficult to maintaining Concentration
One-upmanship
Organizational problems
Over talkative
Pessimistic
Procrastination
Time management
Undisciplined
Unfocused, disorganized, forgetful
Sounds like a regular day around here! LOL I exhibit nearly all 26 everyday! *wink*
(list from Pete Quily - adult ADD coach)
Friday, September 26, 2008
ADD is...
...looking at a handful of silverware, 2 popcorn bowls, and one sauce pan in the sink and feeling overwhelmed by having to do the dishes.
...looking at a stack of 2 workbooks, a story book, and two teacher guides and not having the energy to tackle 45 minutes of homeschooling.
...realizing that, despite Fridays being a laundry day for the last. seven. years, it's nearly noon and you haven't started the first load yet
...looking at three things on your to-do list and they just seem initially insurmountable despite two being "drive-thru" errands.
...looking at the list of possible dinners on the fridge and having 6 choices is just too many to decide.
...looking up at the clock and thinking - I just finished the breakfast dishes and it's nearly time for lunch and we've gotten NOTHING done. *sigh*
What's worse is that it is all internal dialogue so no one else knows how completely mind-blowing and will-numbing it feels to not be able to make just one.more. choice. when everything in your head is buzzing from constant noise, constant questions, and constant distractions.
...looking at a stack of 2 workbooks, a story book, and two teacher guides and not having the energy to tackle 45 minutes of homeschooling.
...realizing that, despite Fridays being a laundry day for the last. seven. years, it's nearly noon and you haven't started the first load yet
...looking at three things on your to-do list and they just seem initially insurmountable despite two being "drive-thru" errands.
...looking at the list of possible dinners on the fridge and having 6 choices is just too many to decide.
...looking up at the clock and thinking - I just finished the breakfast dishes and it's nearly time for lunch and we've gotten NOTHING done. *sigh*
What's worse is that it is all internal dialogue so no one else knows how completely mind-blowing and will-numbing it feels to not be able to make just one.more. choice. when everything in your head is buzzing from constant noise, constant questions, and constant distractions.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Three Weeks In
It's been three weeks since the Viking household all went back to school.
DaHubby started the first full time semester as required by the new scholarship he was awarded as part of the new nuclear energy program at Lake Michigan College. He's attending 12 hours of lecture a week while still maintaining 45 hours a week at work.
And, at Flicka's request, we began her second year of "homeschool preschool" the same day as Daddy's first class. Meanwhile, this is Pojke's first time experience with "school."
So, in anticipation of all this change, of all this activity, and of all the time DaHubby would be absent due to work and school, I decided to buckle down with a strict schedule for a while. My ADD makes this extremely hard to do but extremely necessary for accountability, productivity, and all our sanities! LOL
I had heard several folks (most recently The Happy Housewife) sing the praises of the "Managers of Their Homes" or MOTH system of scheduling for homeschooling parents. Now, there are plenty of reviews out there - some good; some scathing - so I'll leave that up to Amazon and Google but I thought I'd reflect on what the process of getting ready for and implementing our schedule for three weeks has taught us.
With being brand new homeschoolers and with only an hour or so per day for actual planned schooling, this was more about getting me organized than the anything. I read through a copy of MOTH that I got through interlibrary loan with our local library. It's a quick, easy read and immediately struck me as very similar to the Dave Ramsey books I've been reading in several ways.
Dave Ramsey repeats over and over and over on his radio show, DVD's, and books about budgeting with the idea in mind that "every dollar has a name" in your budget before the month begins. The most important thing to remember when trying to figure out a monthly budget is that every dollar has a name on paper on purpose. Spend all your money before the month begins." MOTH is pretty much a system where every chunk of time has a name before the day or week begins.
Our experience with Financial Peace University required us to step out of our brains for a bit, out of our financial habits, take a fresh unbiased look at our spending, reflect on what we had been doing, and think outside our box about how to fix the financial hole we had dug.
MOTH requires you to start with a list of your activities and makes you prioritize them. The old adage that if something is important to you, you will make time for it is true. "Suddenly" I've had more time for Bible reading, snuggling the kids, and other activities that just a few months ago I was always wishing I had time for.
In a DR-styled budget, your bills are prioritized from most important to least. You take the money you earn and go down the list. When you run out of money, you draw a line. And, those creditors "below the line" just don't get paid that month. You have to come up with another plan for those.
Well, MOTH requires you to take your "income" of minutes in a day, start at the top of your priorities, and go down the list 'til you run out of minutes. When you are out of minutes, those activities "below the line" are cut...or another activity somewhere has to sacrifice some time for you to add it.
It took about two days of time here and there for me to sort out a homemade Excel chart of our day (I couldn't use the ones in the book since it's a library book, of course). And, there are already things I would tweak but some observations:
One - before this system, I spent WAY WAY WAY too much time at the computer. Not a major revelation but I'm one of those "show me in concrete" type of girls so having only so much time each day for computer time showed me how much additional time I was giving to my technology and not to my kids, home, and hubby.
Two - I have never spent more time on my hands and knees and at the Vikings' level playing and interacting than I have in the last three weeks. LOL And, the results of that attention have been A-MAZ-ING! There are still sibling battles over ME but overall their behavior has been significantly improved. And, my fear of "daddy's-gone acting out" has been a waste of time. The kids miss him greatly day to day but we've made it a priority and set aside time for the kids (individually and together) to have Daddy's attention.
Three - I find myself having more joy and peace as well as being more in the moment the last week or two. When I know everything is accounted for, everything has a time and a place to get done, I'm able to enjoy what I'm doing right at that moment without my mind wandering off to what's coming up and/or what we're missing.
Now, that being said, life happens as it does for any mom with little ones (or even older ones) and this has not turned into some kind of crazy regime of clocks and timers and such. But, now the kids and I can have a conversation that sounds like this:
"I wanna go to the park."
"Well, if you want to go to the park, then we have to do school now and then you'll have to give up computer time later."
"But, I want to go NOW!"
"School and jobs first, fun later. After school, do you want to go to the park or have computer time?"
"Go to the park"
"So, you are giving up computer time for the park?"
"Yes, Mom."
"Okey, dokey. The park it is!"
Finally, what seems to be the most revolutionary thing about this are the results of the prioritization. Everything that *needs* to get done is getting done for the most part. And, it simplifies requests from others in terms of can we participate in something.
Now, again, please don't misunderstand. Weekends have no schedule and on more than one weekday, we have thrown the schedule out the window, did schoolwork when it fit in, and ran off for a morning of visiting and/or lunch with DaGrandparents. But, the structure of knowing what we are doing when (at least in the ball park LOL) has smoothed over so so SO many behavior problems without adding anymore with Daddy's continued absence due to school.
The Vikings are thrilled with time to snuggle Mom alone and their individual computer time. Nap/quiet times (most recently called "a re-boot" but that's another story LOL) have normalized again as have more regular bedtimes.
And, yet, there are still wrinkles to work out...
What to do when we travel? What to do when one Viking is sick? Group reading time needs to be scheduled some other time because now it is just being sucked up into school time and/or our morning block of activity. While morning chore time has ROCKED with success, the evening one hasn't been successful at all. And, my "alone time" in the afternoon that is supposed to include school prep, computer time, crafty time, and my own quiet time has been un-structured somehow dealing with "leftovers" and a desperate need of nap lately.
One last thing that's challenging us is outside interruptions. The authors of MOTH describe how they've even gone so far as to turn off the phone at certain times or that the dad working outside the home knows to call only at certain times when the mom is "free" from other responsibilities. This just doesn't seem to mesh with our needs and/or capabilities at this point.
When family calls (whether my parents or DaHubby's), in theory the schedule continues until an opening so to speak. The priorities you've set are still your priorities whether visitors are around or not. But, my parents and their respective spouses drive over 3 hrs to see us and the Vikings. I'm not gonna make them wait 'til we're done with something to fit them in. And, when my in-laws call and want the kids for the day, their school work waits.
Now, I feel a little uneasy about this because I know from reading other veterans' stories and advice that as a homeschooler it is critical to stay on track, accountable, and responsible for getting work done. So, setting a precedent like this now worries me because I feel like it puts us in a no-win situation.
If we bend the schedule to accommodate family, it could give the impression that our homeschooling isn't "important enough" to us or that we don't take it seriously so others won't take our choice seriously either. Yet, if we don't bend the schedule, we're inflexible, rude, and non-hospitable. So, I'm still gonna have to work that one out between God, DaHubby, and myself! LOL
Overall, it's been a real eye-opening experience. And, it has started what I think will be a lifelong habit I'd like to keep - adjusting the schedule as our needs and commitments change. I've always known that as an ADD-er that imposing some kind of structure on my days would be a benefit. And, while I don't think hardcore MOTH fans would say I'm a success at that particular plan, it HAS opened my eyes and the information in their book *really* connected with me through my recent financial conversion to all things Dave Ramsey.
Looking at my time like I've been taught to look at money just makes sense to me.
DaHubby started the first full time semester as required by the new scholarship he was awarded as part of the new nuclear energy program at Lake Michigan College. He's attending 12 hours of lecture a week while still maintaining 45 hours a week at work.
And, at Flicka's request, we began her second year of "homeschool preschool" the same day as Daddy's first class. Meanwhile, this is Pojke's first time experience with "school."
So, in anticipation of all this change, of all this activity, and of all the time DaHubby would be absent due to work and school, I decided to buckle down with a strict schedule for a while. My ADD makes this extremely hard to do but extremely necessary for accountability, productivity, and all our sanities! LOL
I had heard several folks (most recently The Happy Housewife) sing the praises of the "Managers of Their Homes" or MOTH system of scheduling for homeschooling parents. Now, there are plenty of reviews out there - some good; some scathing - so I'll leave that up to Amazon and Google but I thought I'd reflect on what the process of getting ready for and implementing our schedule for three weeks has taught us.
With being brand new homeschoolers and with only an hour or so per day for actual planned schooling, this was more about getting me organized than the anything. I read through a copy of MOTH that I got through interlibrary loan with our local library. It's a quick, easy read and immediately struck me as very similar to the Dave Ramsey books I've been reading in several ways.
Dave Ramsey repeats over and over and over on his radio show, DVD's, and books about budgeting with the idea in mind that "every dollar has a name" in your budget before the month begins. The most important thing to remember when trying to figure out a monthly budget is that every dollar has a name on paper on purpose. Spend all your money before the month begins." MOTH is pretty much a system where every chunk of time has a name before the day or week begins.
Our experience with Financial Peace University required us to step out of our brains for a bit, out of our financial habits, take a fresh unbiased look at our spending, reflect on what we had been doing, and think outside our box about how to fix the financial hole we had dug.
MOTH requires you to start with a list of your activities and makes you prioritize them. The old adage that if something is important to you, you will make time for it is true. "Suddenly" I've had more time for Bible reading, snuggling the kids, and other activities that just a few months ago I was always wishing I had time for.
In a DR-styled budget, your bills are prioritized from most important to least. You take the money you earn and go down the list. When you run out of money, you draw a line. And, those creditors "below the line" just don't get paid that month. You have to come up with another plan for those.
Well, MOTH requires you to take your "income" of minutes in a day, start at the top of your priorities, and go down the list 'til you run out of minutes. When you are out of minutes, those activities "below the line" are cut...or another activity somewhere has to sacrifice some time for you to add it.
It took about two days of time here and there for me to sort out a homemade Excel chart of our day (I couldn't use the ones in the book since it's a library book, of course). And, there are already things I would tweak but some observations:
One - before this system, I spent WAY WAY WAY too much time at the computer. Not a major revelation but I'm one of those "show me in concrete" type of girls so having only so much time each day for computer time showed me how much additional time I was giving to my technology and not to my kids, home, and hubby.
Two - I have never spent more time on my hands and knees and at the Vikings' level playing and interacting than I have in the last three weeks. LOL And, the results of that attention have been A-MAZ-ING! There are still sibling battles over ME but overall their behavior has been significantly improved. And, my fear of "daddy's-gone acting out" has been a waste of time. The kids miss him greatly day to day but we've made it a priority and set aside time for the kids (individually and together) to have Daddy's attention.
Three - I find myself having more joy and peace as well as being more in the moment the last week or two. When I know everything is accounted for, everything has a time and a place to get done, I'm able to enjoy what I'm doing right at that moment without my mind wandering off to what's coming up and/or what we're missing.
Now, that being said, life happens as it does for any mom with little ones (or even older ones) and this has not turned into some kind of crazy regime of clocks and timers and such. But, now the kids and I can have a conversation that sounds like this:
"I wanna go to the park."
"Well, if you want to go to the park, then we have to do school now and then you'll have to give up computer time later."
"But, I want to go NOW!"
"School and jobs first, fun later. After school, do you want to go to the park or have computer time?"
"Go to the park"
"So, you are giving up computer time for the park?"
"Yes, Mom."
"Okey, dokey. The park it is!"
Finally, what seems to be the most revolutionary thing about this are the results of the prioritization. Everything that *needs* to get done is getting done for the most part. And, it simplifies requests from others in terms of can we participate in something.
Now, again, please don't misunderstand. Weekends have no schedule and on more than one weekday, we have thrown the schedule out the window, did schoolwork when it fit in, and ran off for a morning of visiting and/or lunch with DaGrandparents. But, the structure of knowing what we are doing when (at least in the ball park LOL) has smoothed over so so SO many behavior problems without adding anymore with Daddy's continued absence due to school.
The Vikings are thrilled with time to snuggle Mom alone and their individual computer time. Nap/quiet times (most recently called "a re-boot" but that's another story LOL) have normalized again as have more regular bedtimes.
And, yet, there are still wrinkles to work out...
What to do when we travel? What to do when one Viking is sick? Group reading time needs to be scheduled some other time because now it is just being sucked up into school time and/or our morning block of activity. While morning chore time has ROCKED with success, the evening one hasn't been successful at all. And, my "alone time" in the afternoon that is supposed to include school prep, computer time, crafty time, and my own quiet time has been un-structured somehow dealing with "leftovers" and a desperate need of nap lately.
One last thing that's challenging us is outside interruptions. The authors of MOTH describe how they've even gone so far as to turn off the phone at certain times or that the dad working outside the home knows to call only at certain times when the mom is "free" from other responsibilities. This just doesn't seem to mesh with our needs and/or capabilities at this point.
When family calls (whether my parents or DaHubby's), in theory the schedule continues until an opening so to speak. The priorities you've set are still your priorities whether visitors are around or not. But, my parents and their respective spouses drive over 3 hrs to see us and the Vikings. I'm not gonna make them wait 'til we're done with something to fit them in. And, when my in-laws call and want the kids for the day, their school work waits.
Now, I feel a little uneasy about this because I know from reading other veterans' stories and advice that as a homeschooler it is critical to stay on track, accountable, and responsible for getting work done. So, setting a precedent like this now worries me because I feel like it puts us in a no-win situation.
If we bend the schedule to accommodate family, it could give the impression that our homeschooling isn't "important enough" to us or that we don't take it seriously so others won't take our choice seriously either. Yet, if we don't bend the schedule, we're inflexible, rude, and non-hospitable. So, I'm still gonna have to work that one out between God, DaHubby, and myself! LOL
Overall, it's been a real eye-opening experience. And, it has started what I think will be a lifelong habit I'd like to keep - adjusting the schedule as our needs and commitments change. I've always known that as an ADD-er that imposing some kind of structure on my days would be a benefit. And, while I don't think hardcore MOTH fans would say I'm a success at that particular plan, it HAS opened my eyes and the information in their book *really* connected with me through my recent financial conversion to all things Dave Ramsey.
Looking at my time like I've been taught to look at money just makes sense to me.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Stress management and ADD
A wonderful post over at Stacks and Stacks' Clutter Control Freak blog which is from Jennifer Koretsky, founder of the ADD Management Group, LLC and author of Odd One Out: The Maverick's Guide to Adult ADD
If you have someone around you that seems to handle stress particularly badly and seems to "shut down" when it all becomes too much, this is a good description of what's going on in a ADD person's brain at that time! LOL
If you have someone around you that seems to handle stress particularly badly and seems to "shut down" when it all becomes too much, this is a good description of what's going on in a ADD person's brain at that time! LOL
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Overwhelmed...again. *sigh*
Why am I so resistant to change? Why is my daily life so rocked and shattered by a break in my plan? Something as small as a spilled drink or as large as a major financial overhaul seems an equally insurmountable. I've often thought that change is related to control...especially with my ADD. A controlled, scheduled, planned environment provides a stable platform for my organizationally-challenged brain to accomplish what needs to be done.
And, it is this inflexibility that I find so aggravating in others when I can't seem to fit into someone else's plan.
And, what is all this angst doing to the Vikings...as I rush them to activities where we're running late because I had to finish just one more thing, blow up over stupid stuff, and can't (or won't) make time to just stop and play with the Vikings because dishes and laundry and deadlines can't wait?
Things are falling through the cracks again. Nothing major yet but my follow-through lately stinks! Blogging, emails, events with the kids, commitments for church, our homework for Financial Peace University, household "extras" above the standard daily housework. I'm getting TONS done but there's always leftovers. And, I always feel inadequate, even a failure when something simple gets forgotten, misplaced, broken, etc.
I know the Lord made me this way for a reason. I'd like to think that my ADD allows me to think outside-the-box as much research into others with it have revealed. But, even that creative thinking fights with my desperate need for order.
And, that's a whole 'nother issue: the only thing I should be desperate for is Christ and His word.
I'm still sorting it all out. Spending a lot (maybe too much) time in my head. Priorities still changing. Wanting to spend more time here but can't seem to find enough uninterrupted time to do it.
So I keep plugging along...
And, it is this inflexibility that I find so aggravating in others when I can't seem to fit into someone else's plan.
And, what is all this angst doing to the Vikings...as I rush them to activities where we're running late because I had to finish just one more thing, blow up over stupid stuff, and can't (or won't) make time to just stop and play with the Vikings because dishes and laundry and deadlines can't wait?
Things are falling through the cracks again. Nothing major yet but my follow-through lately stinks! Blogging, emails, events with the kids, commitments for church, our homework for Financial Peace University, household "extras" above the standard daily housework. I'm getting TONS done but there's always leftovers. And, I always feel inadequate, even a failure when something simple gets forgotten, misplaced, broken, etc.
I know the Lord made me this way for a reason. I'd like to think that my ADD allows me to think outside-the-box as much research into others with it have revealed. But, even that creative thinking fights with my desperate need for order.
And, that's a whole 'nother issue: the only thing I should be desperate for is Christ and His word.
I'm still sorting it all out. Spending a lot (maybe too much) time in my head. Priorities still changing. Wanting to spend more time here but can't seem to find enough uninterrupted time to do it.
So I keep plugging along...
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
Still feeling blah, discouraged, and scared.
(Updated: "Dad" apparently did have a heart attack. He's been admitted to the hospital for testing and observation with a angioplast for tomorrow. "Mom" returned to their home for the night and found frozen pipes and no water. Please pray for a quick resolution at their house (Da Hubby's mobilizing winter clothes, propane heaters, etc. as I type), healing/safety for Dad during the procedure, blessings on the doctors and RN's.)
Was going to participate in Shalee's "Fifty Cheap Dates" but just don't have the heart today. Lack of sleep, continued ADD struggles, and having to take both kids grocery shopping today (LOL) has turned my brain into mush. In addition...
Peach is requesting prayer for an upcoming needle biopsy.
GiBee, a fellow trying-to-conceive warrior, is no longer pregnant.
And, my mother-in-law called a bit ago. My father-in-law is in our local ER for chest pains.
*sigh* Overwhelmed and out of "mommy-witty" things to say or events to share. But, on my mind and heart today:
2 Cor 3.16-18 " Nevertheless when one turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord [is,] there [is] liberty. But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord. "
and
Psalms 34:4 "I sought the LORD, and He heard me, And delivered me from all my fears."
Was going to participate in Shalee's "Fifty Cheap Dates" but just don't have the heart today. Lack of sleep, continued ADD struggles, and having to take both kids grocery shopping today (LOL) has turned my brain into mush. In addition...
Peach is requesting prayer for an upcoming needle biopsy.
GiBee, a fellow trying-to-conceive warrior, is no longer pregnant.
And, my mother-in-law called a bit ago. My father-in-law is in our local ER for chest pains.
*sigh* Overwhelmed and out of "mommy-witty" things to say or events to share. But, on my mind and heart today:
2 Cor 3.16-18 " Nevertheless when one turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord [is,] there [is] liberty. But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord. "
and
Psalms 34:4 "I sought the LORD, and He heard me, And delivered me from all my fears."
Monday, December 11, 2006
Monday Morning Bleary Eyed
...with a LLOONNGG list of things to do!
I feel a bit of a disclaimer, warning, justification, explanation is in order for this week! Particularly since I awoke at 5:30am with Da Hubby to do some studying in peace before the Vikings get up.
I have a final on Friday which will require (since it is a "study at home at your own pace" classw here I have as of now done NONE of the work for this unit) reading 6 chapters, watching 6 30-minute videos, memorizing 20 vocab definitions and writing 3 "mini-essays" before Friday while balancing kids, family life, and Christmas preparations. Friday at noon is my final. After which, I will be traveling across the state to enjoy my family's Christmas celebrations for the weekend. Did I mention I haven't started Christmas shopping yet? LOL
And, would it now go without saying that I hope y'all aren't TOO disappointed if I'm not able to deposit quality, long-winded, lengthily-studied for entries this week? LOL And, while I'm anxious to see what the Lord has for me in that Scripture I posted last week, my hopefully fruitful, eventual "revelations" may be delayed in being published!
I will be around for quick study breaks and occasional commenting. Promise. And, I'm too "blog-addicted" to not browse through my links that see what you all are up to this week. But, I didn't want anyone to think I'd fallen of the planet temporarily! :)
The "curse" of ADD - procrastination and disorganization for large projects would be a BIG problem around the holidays! LOL Ya think!?
God's blessings on everyone's preparations!
I feel a bit of a disclaimer, warning, justification, explanation is in order for this week! Particularly since I awoke at 5:30am with Da Hubby to do some studying in peace before the Vikings get up.
I have a final on Friday which will require (since it is a "study at home at your own pace" classw here I have as of now done NONE of the work for this unit) reading 6 chapters, watching 6 30-minute videos, memorizing 20 vocab definitions and writing 3 "mini-essays" before Friday while balancing kids, family life, and Christmas preparations. Friday at noon is my final. After which, I will be traveling across the state to enjoy my family's Christmas celebrations for the weekend. Did I mention I haven't started Christmas shopping yet? LOL
And, would it now go without saying that I hope y'all aren't TOO disappointed if I'm not able to deposit quality, long-winded, lengthily-studied for entries this week? LOL And, while I'm anxious to see what the Lord has for me in that Scripture I posted last week, my hopefully fruitful, eventual "revelations" may be delayed in being published!
I will be around for quick study breaks and occasional commenting. Promise. And, I'm too "blog-addicted" to not browse through my links that see what you all are up to this week. But, I didn't want anyone to think I'd fallen of the planet temporarily! :)
The "curse" of ADD - procrastination and disorganization for large projects would be a BIG problem around the holidays! LOL Ya think!?
God's blessings on everyone's preparations!
Thursday, November 23, 2006
2006 10 03 Completely Overwhelmed Again
Stupid ADD. So completely flustered I have no idea where to start...
*financial problems
*potty training
*due to above haven't left the house (except for church Sunday which resulted in two "accidents")
*baby's skin problems - wicked eczema - that we can't get under control
*have to start teaching in two weeks and have nothing prepared
*after four straight nights last week of staying up past midnight to study had my first test last Friday only to have to start all over again and read more, watch recorded lectures, and take notes for another test in 3 weeks
* my mom's coming this Sunday for three days
* suppose to stay on diet
* suppose to be going to weight class Monday nights, Bible school Tuesday nights, midweek services Wednesday nights and still be able to cook at home each night (since we can't eat out) and get all the above done.
*my usual help (my in-laws) are out of the picture this week as my MIL is 11 days post-op from a knee replacement
* can't seem to find time to pray or read my Bible while one or the other kid is up screaming or crying for something most of the day lately (going potty, hungry, teething, you name it) and into the night (see above and add recent nightmares) *sigh*
Lord, help me!
*financial problems
*potty training
*due to above haven't left the house (except for church Sunday which resulted in two "accidents")
*baby's skin problems - wicked eczema - that we can't get under control
*have to start teaching in two weeks and have nothing prepared
*after four straight nights last week of staying up past midnight to study had my first test last Friday only to have to start all over again and read more, watch recorded lectures, and take notes for another test in 3 weeks
* my mom's coming this Sunday for three days
* suppose to stay on diet
* suppose to be going to weight class Monday nights, Bible school Tuesday nights, midweek services Wednesday nights and still be able to cook at home each night (since we can't eat out) and get all the above done.
*my usual help (my in-laws) are out of the picture this week as my MIL is 11 days post-op from a knee replacement
* can't seem to find time to pray or read my Bible while one or the other kid is up screaming or crying for something most of the day lately (going potty, hungry, teething, you name it) and into the night (see above and add recent nightmares) *sigh*
Lord, help me!
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
2006 08 24 An...tic...i.................pa...tion!
Well, I wrote last month that changes were on the horizons for me this fall. I tend to handle change with resistance. My patterns, habits, and schedules give my poor ADD brain something to organize around and be at peace with occasionally. As a result, I regularly have a lot of anxiety about these kinds of things. And, I deal with stress by shutting down for a time to re-group and by eating everything that isn't locked down! LOL
Da Hubby leaves for a week-long guys-only canoe trip with a couple of other Christian men in northern Minnesota a week from today. So, I'm home alone with my two babies for the subsequent 10 days. A little scary to say the least! LOL No breaks. No day-to-day (esp. at bedtime) help. While he's gone, I have orientation for the college class I have to take this fall to reinstate my teaching certifcation. Then, a week after he returns, I start teaching at our local Bible college. *sigh* On top of all this, I have to maintain the kids' schedules to some point of normal and stay on my diet! LOL Yea, RIGHT!
I used to so look forward to this time of year! It was like a new lease on life and a clean slate at the beginning of each school year...must be why I became a teacher! LOL But, when I have a second to actually reflect on that statement, I remember that the only "new lease of life" or "clean slate" that means anything is being saved and knowing the Lord. And, it is on Him I will depend!
Psalm 3.5: Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding
Da Hubby leaves for a week-long guys-only canoe trip with a couple of other Christian men in northern Minnesota a week from today. So, I'm home alone with my two babies for the subsequent 10 days. A little scary to say the least! LOL No breaks. No day-to-day (esp. at bedtime) help. While he's gone, I have orientation for the college class I have to take this fall to reinstate my teaching certifcation. Then, a week after he returns, I start teaching at our local Bible college. *sigh* On top of all this, I have to maintain the kids' schedules to some point of normal and stay on my diet! LOL Yea, RIGHT!
I used to so look forward to this time of year! It was like a new lease on life and a clean slate at the beginning of each school year...must be why I became a teacher! LOL But, when I have a second to actually reflect on that statement, I remember that the only "new lease of life" or "clean slate" that means anything is being saved and knowing the Lord. And, it is on Him I will depend!
Psalm 3.5: Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding
2006 07 16 Changes on the Horizon
Well, I'm anticipating a season of change coming onto me. Things have calmed down (as much as they can with two small children) and have become a little more "normal" day to day. And, as I look around at the crumbling piles around me of things I have let slide as I’ve pushed out two babies in under two years (LOL), it's time to get a little more back on track.
I do this with a healthy amount of fear. I have a history of over-committing and overcompensating with a wicked side order of not being able to say NO! I also deal daily with ADD which is currently un-medicated. Between trying to conceive, being pregnant, and nursing, I’ve been off my ADD meds for nearly 5 years. It is a constant struggle to fight the daily symptoms as well as the accompanying anxiety and depression that results from that struggle.
I’ve also put on about 70-80 pounds since getting married. It complicated our infertility struggles as well as challenged our budding married life. Then, it was pushed aside as I was told I “couldn’t” diet while I was pregnant or nursing.
Then, I think I’m ready to start picking back up some my responsibilities at church. I’d love to start singing with the praise and worship team again. I’d love to teach adult Sunday school again. It’s SO tempting to jump at the chance to teach at our Bible school without seeking if it’s God’s will for me right now. Also, our church weight loss group, affectionately called “Tub Scouts”, is starting back up and I would LOVE to participate! Diet, exercise, and fellowship “cure” many of the problems that come with the overweight and ADD issues.
So, I’ve decided to put a small toe in the proverbial water…talked to Da Hubby after church today and, first of all, I’ll join Tub Scouts again. Then, come August the decision with regards to Bible school will be made. In September, it’ll be time for a decision about teaching Sunday school. Then, when Viking #2 reaches his first birthday just after the holidays, it’ll be time to start thinking about weaning and visiting the doctor to restart my medication. I think it’s gonna be a busy 6 months! LOL So, as my first “selfish” goal, I’m hoping to lose 80 pounds in the next 19 months. Nineteen months from now I will be turning 40!
Father, please give me counsel, direction, and insight as I start to resume some “extra” activities outside the home. Lead to me know what is in Your will and what things are no longer important in Your plan for me…
I do this with a healthy amount of fear. I have a history of over-committing and overcompensating with a wicked side order of not being able to say NO! I also deal daily with ADD which is currently un-medicated. Between trying to conceive, being pregnant, and nursing, I’ve been off my ADD meds for nearly 5 years. It is a constant struggle to fight the daily symptoms as well as the accompanying anxiety and depression that results from that struggle.
I’ve also put on about 70-80 pounds since getting married. It complicated our infertility struggles as well as challenged our budding married life. Then, it was pushed aside as I was told I “couldn’t” diet while I was pregnant or nursing.
Then, I think I’m ready to start picking back up some my responsibilities at church. I’d love to start singing with the praise and worship team again. I’d love to teach adult Sunday school again. It’s SO tempting to jump at the chance to teach at our Bible school without seeking if it’s God’s will for me right now. Also, our church weight loss group, affectionately called “Tub Scouts”, is starting back up and I would LOVE to participate! Diet, exercise, and fellowship “cure” many of the problems that come with the overweight and ADD issues.
So, I’ve decided to put a small toe in the proverbial water…talked to Da Hubby after church today and, first of all, I’ll join Tub Scouts again. Then, come August the decision with regards to Bible school will be made. In September, it’ll be time for a decision about teaching Sunday school. Then, when Viking #2 reaches his first birthday just after the holidays, it’ll be time to start thinking about weaning and visiting the doctor to restart my medication. I think it’s gonna be a busy 6 months! LOL So, as my first “selfish” goal, I’m hoping to lose 80 pounds in the next 19 months. Nineteen months from now I will be turning 40!
Father, please give me counsel, direction, and insight as I start to resume some “extra” activities outside the home. Lead to me know what is in Your will and what things are no longer important in Your plan for me…
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