Read this last night as I finished up this book which describes a woman who began to use the boundary techniques the authors' espouse and the changes she experienced.
"Sherrie slipped into her new dress. It fit perfectly - two sizes smaller than she had worn a few months ago. Thanks, God for my new self-boundaries, she prayed. Her diet and exercise program had finally worked, not because she learned any new secrets about food and working out, but because she saw taking care of herself not as selfishness, but stewardship. She stopped feeling guilty about taking the time away from other things to work on her body. Getting in shape made her a better wife, mom, and friend. And she liked herself better."
My head knows I'm suppose to take time for myself, to take care of myself, to refill when I'm constantly pouring out into others but do I do it? Very rarely. I've started and fallen away from several attempts to exercise, lose weight, etc. And, according to the book, it all goes back to feeling somewhere in my psyche that I'm not worth it and/or others deserve more than me. This can look like sacrifice but it more often critical internal dialog.
Before becoming a believer, this is a singular problem but now it's much more complex. I am one of God's beloved daughters. I deserve all He has decreed, promised, and planned for me. So, if I'm not able to see my worth in Him, am I not being disobedient in a matter of speaking? Aren't I shaking my fist so to speak in God's face when I argue that I'm not to be as loved and cherished as the Word tells me I am? Doesn't that sound remarkably like being ungrateful for all He's trying to provide? Aren't I stifling His path and promise for me? Doesn't this sound like a huge faith problem?
So, where is my faith? Whom do I believe? My internal critical dialog? Or, the Master of the Universe?
And, who are YOU believing today?