Dear Me (1995)

(I know this carnival is over 2 months old but this has been brewing in my mind and floating around on my to-do list for the entire 8 weeks. I didn't mean for it to end up as negative- sounding as it did. Just trying to focus on the whirlwind, grace-covered, hugely powerful change that would be underway shortly...)

Dear 1995 Me,

I don’t know how long I have so let me hit the highlights quickly:

Guy #1 at work you’re dating off-duty? I can’t stress this enough…MARRIED! No matter what he says!

Guy #2 at work interested in you? Run the other way! He’ll be fired for stealing.

Guy #3 revisiting from your past? Bad news. The police report will NOT keep him away initially. Stick to it.

That first time through student teaching will be such a poor combination of location and supervision that you will have to withdraw midway through the semester and start again with a clean slate in a new district. You will think it is the end of the world…especially when the dean pulls you into her office and berates you for embarrassing the entire department and university. You will survive. You will go on to graduate with honors. You will get a good first job. You will be recognized statewide for work you will do in your classroom.

The church you are at now? You should listen more carefully. Pastor will become a father figure you will cherish.

Quit worrying so much about becoming “complete” by finding someone to fill all your gaping emotional holes. Work on healing those holes with God and yourself alone. Corny but true: no one will love you until you love yourself.

Pray. A lot. Often. Listen!

Read. Your. Bible. A lot. Often. Soak it in!

You are not crazy. You are not losing your mind. You are not stupid. You don’t know it yet but you have a medical condition that when treated with the correct meds in the correct dosages will transform your life into one of relative peace and calm. Hang in there!

As crazy as your family can make you, it’ll get worse before it gets better but it WILL get better.

You will be able to keep that final promise to Grandpa H and have babies with double initials in a fourth generation tradition.

You will have a husband that adores you at 150 lbs and at 250lbs while in the throes of childbirth. He will make you laugh until you cry and/or pee your pants. He will make you stronger mentally and emotionally and so much more confident. He will help you make a home you will be proud of. He will introduce you to a church and style of worship that will knock your socks off and have you experience God in a way you can’t imagine right now. How you meet will be a little out of the ordinary but trust that God knows what He’s doing and that His timing is always right. Take the leap – he’s SO worth it!

Finally, I know it seems really dark and depressing right now. Everything hurts and seems out of control. It’s lonely and awkward. What your life is now is not what you had in mind. But, remember that God is in control. And, He is still calling you to Him. I wish I would have heard Him sooner so find Him and run into His arms ASAP.

Sincerely,

Me in 2007