Dependence

It used to be all up to me. If the bill got paid (or didn't) was a result of what *I* made and what *I* sent to my creditors. That all changed when I found Da Daddy.

For reasons that are still unclear to me (LOL), somehow, without the coveted rectangular piece of paper from some state university, he makes more than double what I could make teaching which has required me to complete my BA, a post-BA teacher certification process, State of Michigan board exams, and half of my MA! *wink*

Becoming a stay-at-home wife and mother was a HUGE transition for me. Being raised as the only daughter of a very-independent divorced mom required high levels of autonomy as I was growing up. Having to depend on anything or anyone other than myself appeared to be frowned on.

So, you can imagine my mom's resulting catatonic state when I told her that...well, I've met this guy...I've known him 5 weeks...he's proposed...I'm quitting my job of 5 years...I won't gain tenure (read "job security")...oh, and I'm moving across the state with him...moving in with him (well, I didn't get it ALL right). She nearly needed a crash cart and one of those cardiac shot-to-the-heart things! LOL Despite having prayed for many of the previous months for the Lord to make me ready for my future husband and to introduce him in His timing, I felt awkward and unsure trying to explain to my mom that I *knew* that this was the guy God was sending me.

I moved with no job prospects to a city I'd never seen into a one-bedroom house with a man I'd only known 3 months. If I hadn't already believed in God at that point, I'd HAVE to believe after seeing how He guided us, changed us, and healed our old hurts over the next 9 months of preparation for the wedding.

Once a wife, I had a part-time teaching gig plus subbing but wasn't really bringing in much money compared to Da Hubby. But, at least I was bringing in *something*, right? Slowly, over the next few years, my income dwindled. I started to feel like I needed to "report" to Da Hubby each day when he came home all that I had accomplished while he was at work. He assured me that it wasn't necessary.

Then, Viking #1 was born. I haven't subbed a day since. Haven't "held a job" since. So,ironically, as soon as she arrived totally depended on me, I became totally depended on Da Hubby.

While marriage began to open up a deeper understanding of God's relationship with me as His bride, imagine that magnified 100 times over from becoming a parent. I learned about having submission in my marriage and that gave me greater depth of understanding of my submission to Christ. And, as I struggled with my total dependence on Da Hubby, I began to learn about dependence on the Lord and having faith...since learning to live at the complete "whim" of another has been a HUGE leap of faith for me...taking the "small" step in having faith in Da Hubby made the leap into the arms of Christ all the more easier!

But, there are some earthly rewards...LOL Da Hubby sincerely appreciates all that I do at home, swears he wouldn't do it for a million bucks, and is baffled how I cope with it all each day! LOL So, my little "reward" this year? The tax returns will be direct deposited today so last night, Da Hubby insisted that I go out and "spend some money". Now, I'm not much of a shopper (I don't enjoy it much at all) but things have been a little lean here this past year or so. I've had a "wish list" of a few things for the kids and myself. So,I spent two hours last night sans children going to Target, Old Navy, and Kohls. The kids have several pairs of "snuggly pants" (aka sweats) to make it through the winter, #1 has a new church outfit, #2 is re-stocked with socks. And, this momma got a few things for myself and a few things for the kitchen: a box grater, a new hand mixer, and a new set of Calphalon professional pans! Wa-hoo! Thanks, babe, for these treats! Thanks for spending some of "your" tax return on me! You are the BEST!