Friday, February 16, 2007

Dependence

It used to be all up to me. If the bill got paid (or didn't) was a result of what *I* made and what *I* sent to my creditors. That all changed when I found Da Daddy.

For reasons that are still unclear to me (LOL), somehow, without the coveted rectangular piece of paper from some state university, he makes more than double what I could make teaching which has required me to complete my BA, a post-BA teacher certification process, State of Michigan board exams, and half of my MA! *wink*

Becoming a stay-at-home wife and mother was a HUGE transition for me. Being raised as the only daughter of a very-independent divorced mom required high levels of autonomy as I was growing up. Having to depend on anything or anyone other than myself appeared to be frowned on.

So, you can imagine my mom's resulting catatonic state when I told her that...well, I've met this guy...I've known him 5 weeks...he's proposed...I'm quitting my job of 5 years...I won't gain tenure (read "job security")...oh, and I'm moving across the state with him...moving in with him (well, I didn't get it ALL right). She nearly needed a crash cart and one of those cardiac shot-to-the-heart things! LOL Despite having prayed for many of the previous months for the Lord to make me ready for my future husband and to introduce him in His timing, I felt awkward and unsure trying to explain to my mom that I *knew* that this was the guy God was sending me.

I moved with no job prospects to a city I'd never seen into a one-bedroom house with a man I'd only known 3 months. If I hadn't already believed in God at that point, I'd HAVE to believe after seeing how He guided us, changed us, and healed our old hurts over the next 9 months of preparation for the wedding.

Once a wife, I had a part-time teaching gig plus subbing but wasn't really bringing in much money compared to Da Hubby. But, at least I was bringing in *something*, right? Slowly, over the next few years, my income dwindled. I started to feel like I needed to "report" to Da Hubby each day when he came home all that I had accomplished while he was at work. He assured me that it wasn't necessary.

Then, Viking #1 was born. I haven't subbed a day since. Haven't "held a job" since. So,ironically, as soon as she arrived totally depended on me, I became totally depended on Da Hubby.

While marriage began to open up a deeper understanding of God's relationship with me as His bride, imagine that magnified 100 times over from becoming a parent. I learned about having submission in my marriage and that gave me greater depth of understanding of my submission to Christ. And, as I struggled with my total dependence on Da Hubby, I began to learn about dependence on the Lord and having faith...since learning to live at the complete "whim" of another has been a HUGE leap of faith for me...taking the "small" step in having faith in Da Hubby made the leap into the arms of Christ all the more easier!

But, there are some earthly rewards...LOL Da Hubby sincerely appreciates all that I do at home, swears he wouldn't do it for a million bucks, and is baffled how I cope with it all each day! LOL So, my little "reward" this year? The tax returns will be direct deposited today so last night, Da Hubby insisted that I go out and "spend some money". Now, I'm not much of a shopper (I don't enjoy it much at all) but things have been a little lean here this past year or so. I've had a "wish list" of a few things for the kids and myself. So,I spent two hours last night sans children going to Target, Old Navy, and Kohls. The kids have several pairs of "snuggly pants" (aka sweats) to make it through the winter, #1 has a new church outfit, #2 is re-stocked with socks. And, this momma got a few things for myself and a few things for the kitchen: a box grater, a new hand mixer, and a new set of Calphalon professional pans! Wa-hoo! Thanks, babe, for these treats! Thanks for spending some of "your" tax return on me! You are the BEST!

8 comments:

Denise said...

You were blessed with a great hubby.

Unashamed said...

I'll bet you he doesn't think of it as "his" tax return money, though, does he? I can really relate to this. It's a strange but wonderful thing, first becoming accustomed to being dependent on someone, and then becoming appreciative of our dependence. The Lord does miraculous things to our hearts!

BrideOfChrist said...

What great pots and pans :) I am finishing up my degree to be a teacher as well and it's strange because in reality I will be making more than Brian will, and not to mention we will be dependant on my tenure and my pension after I retire. Yet, I still feel quite comfortable submitting to him, and I dont feel better than him because I will be making more. Im getting ready to cover Ch 3 of "Created to be His Help Meet" that I hope you will enjoy that talks about submission and all of that. I love being able to surrender and submit to my dear husband to be - it takes a lot of the pressure off of me on things, and in turn, he treats me like a princess :). I give you a lot of credit for the choices that you have made. I met Brian, that same day, we told each other we loved each other, 5 months later we were engaged and that annoyed everyone. But now almost 2 years later, we've proven everyone wrong that we were, well God was really, right all along :)

Lisa said...

I can totally relate! I had tenure and left it to become a stay at home mom. It's been almost ten years (gasp) now and I have NO regrets. I, too, am so thankful for a husband who shares with me and supports my being home to raise our son.

To God be the Glory for the things He has done!!!

Have a blessed weekend and fun cooking something yummy in those new pans! Bam!

lady of value said...

I have never had an outside the house job, I have always been a housewife/stay at home mom. I love it, but I get bummed out sometimes thinking I should do more. But I am where God wants me right now in this season of my life. Great post!!

lady of value said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Debbie said...

Tax season is one of my favorite times. *grin*
I like those new pots. You will have to post a pic of the first meal prepared in them.
I would like to have a new set.I found some I liked, but were very heavy. That changed my mind.


Let us know how you like them after cooking in and cleaning them.
Remember pics!

Laurel Wreath said...

Very cool (I am jealous). I will be getting new carpet in the living room =)