How bad is it when a lifelong bookphile and chronic, incurable writer finds blogging just too difficult and too taxing on the brain to attempt? *sigh* And, as a hat tip to my "kiddie psych" class and due to DaHubby's current "business psych" class, I blame my bloggy brain block on Mr. Maslow. His hierarchy of needs means that if I can't get my basic and necessary bases covered then everything else goes to pot! LOL Hard to be creative, witty, and literary when all my energy and every waking hour is going to make sure we're all sleeping, healthy, happy, safe, and fed!
There's so much going on right now - inside and outside my brain - that just keeping my head above water is difficult.
I'm still feeling a sense of grieving over the loss of Böna in August. I've hit the stage where is seems *everyone* is pregnant (and largely so) around me all the time. I would be 20 weeks this Sunday. Next week would have be the time we would have found out if Böna was a boy, a girl, or just very modest. The grieving is complicated by the fact that we don't know if we are grieving just for this lost little Viking and/or grieving the end of our child-bearing opportunities all together. We've have not really felt any sense of direction from God on the matter or a sense that our family is "complete".
I'm overwhelmed but hanging in there with the home situation which is requiring me to not only handle my regular responsibilities but the many of DaHubby's as well that I've found I took for granted. Not that it's a big deal but I haven't cut grass in 7 years and I keep nearly forgetting to put out the trash. LOL Also, we've talked about me learning the ins and outs of the snow blower since I will most likely have to run it solo this winter. But, at least it's a snow blower and not a very large shovel! LOL
But, being "on duty" constantly is starting to take its toll. With my more-frequent babysitters out of commission (aka my in-laws) due to my MIL's second knee replacement, time alone and/or quiet time in non-existent. I'm starting to have "shower optional" days again as well. LOL Pojke's up nearly as early as me and as soon as the Vikings go to bed, DaHubby arrives home and it's time for us grown-ups to go to bed.
My ADD has this weird manic-depressive thing going on. Some days I'm on-task, motivated, crazy efficient, and productive. Other days not so much. I can barely just focused long enough to do the dishes, make meals, and keep the kids occupied.
I'm getting discouraged with our homeschooling adventures. Trying to keep the kids busy and happy and distracted from missing DaHubby means not home very much which is not particularly conducive to schooling. And, the organizational part of it is bumping up on my ADD struggles.
With my coping (or lack thereof) and with DaHubby gone so much, Flicka's exhibiting some concerning behavior. Most times she's golden but suddenly, without warning, she gets in these funks. She's expressing all kinds of worries, having some separation anxiety, having nightmares, and biting her nails.
The economy troubles are beginning to hit home as well. I found out Monday that my dad was laid off and then yesterday DaHubby's hours were cut back (again) with no new work on the horizon. If DaHubby's shop closes or he is laid off, we'll have to consider selling this house and/or losing the minivan plus I'll will be going back to work - and at this point in the school year it would be as a substitute teacher making about $90-100 per day. While are in a significantly better place now than a year ago due to our involvement with the Dave Ramsey FPU plan, a cut in half of income is still a major deal breaker for trying to live as we are currently.
All this upheaval is snowballing around me and within me. Trying to keep an even keel and finding God's peace amid all this has been difficult. There are constant demands for our time, attention, and money and my immediate initial turtle-like reaction is to lock the four of us in the house and the rest of the world can take a long walk off a short pier. LOL
While keeping in contact with my local and online friends keeps me smiling and significantly lightens things up, I'm in more of a "receiving" mode than a "giving" mode right now. So, I ask for your patience and understanding as I work through this season, the temporary bump in the road.