Having only experienced the outreach-related mindset of campus ministry, I found myself attending the University of Michigan campus ministry equivalent. I didn't feel like an "adult" yet so going to a "regular" church congregation seemed awkward. I was still re-new to my faith and no "grown up" congregation seemed to share my enthusiasm. So, I spent the next 6 years worshiping with my former rivals (though I never EVER rooted for U of M, I promise! LOL).
While I was working in Ann Arbor, I started my teacher certification program at Eastern Michigan. And, while working full time and schooling three-quarter time, I eventually graduated after fall semester 1996. And, off I went to Michigan's Thumb area to teach.
Again, I was faced with where to go to church. I tried several but none really "spoke" to me. As I
That pastor's advice has been ringing in my ears again this week and I think the Lord has brought it back to my mind on purpose.
I've been involved in two different studies over the last couple months. And, both of them are converging into some pretty uncomfortable realizations. The biggest one is this: I've been "dating" God but haven't really "married" Him yet. *sigh*
I say the words. I attend when I should and even enjoy it. I sing with choir and LOVE that. And, I really enjoy working with the people at our new church. But, my prayer life stinks. My Bible reading stinks as does my Bible memorization.
I've said before that I always wanted a Paul-on-the-road-to-Damascus conversion story but the Lord has had other plans. I've slowly...ever-so-slowly...have been creeping toward a stronger and stronger faith. But, I was completely stumped when a person in leadership at our new church asked me when I accepted Christ.
I've always been His. I've said the prayer. I've come to the altar several times to re-dedicate. I've been prayed over and anointed. I've even been baptized again as an adult. But, can I put my finger on a day, time, and experience where "it" finally happened for good? No. And, that bothers me.
Then, these studies are starting to push pretty hard on my idleness and borderline disobedience with regards to God.
Don't get me wrong - I WANT to be sold out, obedient, and completely His. But, I don't think I've made some final leap. It appears I'm still skirting around and "dating" the idea of being sold out instead of being settled in and being "married" to the idea.
So, I'm sorting through and processing all the "stuff" that being uncovered and revealed. I'm digging - and I'm praying it's deep enough to find the real treasure. A more real and more intimate relationship with Christ.