Back in 1999, I was working 50+ hours a week at a middle/high school language arts teacher plus working 10-15 hours a week as a lifeguard. It was a tough schedule but, at that time, I didn't know what else to do. Working tons of hours at multiple jobs over different shifts is all I had been doing for the previous 9 years. I was single, independent, and while churchgoing I had no sense of living it out day to day.
But, to this day, I remember a moment of clarity. I was driving home from school after dark one night. I remember thinking "this is ridiculous. I can't do this forever. And, I don't want to."
And, as I pictured then a "someday" in the future, I remember thinking "I just want some free time to help people. There's people out there like me now, running themselves ragged and I want to have enough free time to serve and help people like that out."
At the time, it made no sense. I never EVER intended to stop teaching in some way. I had begun getting used to the idea of being alone since I was then 31 and hadn't married. I was so sure God intended for me to remain single that I started the process of becoming a missionary with a Bible translation group. I knew I'd *have* to work somehow to support myself.
I felt like a rat in a cage. I could see what I wanted but had no idea how to get there.
Ten years later - I'm living that life.
Instead of a "Road to Damascus" instantaneous conversion, God worked on me and through me until today I can look back and see the miraculous changes.
I'm married, Biblically submitted to the head of my household.
I'm a mother, something I never thought would be possible.
I quit teaching a year before reaching tenure, something you could have NEVER convinced me of doing back then.
I'm a stay-at-home mom, something that would have horrified me back then.
And, yet, I'm living that life I pictured. Just today I was taking a meal to a new mom. In these last few years, I've been able to take meals to, pray with, mail cards to, sit with, talk to people I come in contact with during the walk through my life.
Despite the mess, the chaos, the noise, the stress, the ants, I'm living the life God allowed me to peek at all those years ago. And, I love it!