Wordless Wednesday

Choosing the good things that last

I've dealt with anxiety as long as I can remember. What's gonna happen? What's expected of me? ADD-related foot-in-mouth syndrome. Social awkwardness. How am I gonna screw this up? That sort of thing.

So, for a number of reasons, I've not learned to rest in the wisdom God's giving me or in His guidance. I'm often overwhelmed with my choices and/or find myself frozen with multiple things going on that need my attention. Too many options, too many chances at failure, and only one seemingly "right" answer.  So, I'm basically learning - all over again in my mid-40's - to trust my heart and my gut.

Juggling family life often feels like Sisyphus-like battle. Get up psyched for a new day, new ideas, new desire to stay organized and end each day collapsing on the couch or into bed citing all the reasons the day went wrong, things didn't get done, all I have left to do.
Well, I'm tired of living that way.

So, we've been making little adjustments. The first? To trust my gut...and to not feel bad about it! As a result, we've made some parenting calls lately that go against our previous parenting grain.

Things like...

Having Pojke stay home today when it was his sister that was sick. We were at the ER late with Flicka for some IV hydration following a strep diagnosis. We all slept in. We all could use a day off.

Judiciously using/offering mental health days. My kids have had a pretty rotten year at school. The move from Michigan, the bullying, trouble making friends, etc. So, over the winter, each of the Vikings got to stay home for a day when they were feeling run down but weren't "technically" sick.

One night's fishing instead of homework. Both kids have fallen in love with our new local river, Illinois' Rock River, and have taken an interest in fishing. They need some more time with their daddy so, on Monday, we made the choice to forgo our usual after-school/homework/dinner routine to spend a couple of wonderful hours just sitting...and fishing.

I value their time in school but their time with us as a family will mean more in the long run. It initally goes against my teacher training and parenting grain, my heart and "momma gut" says it's true.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Philippians 4.8 ESV

Yes, sir!

We've been working on the Vikings' responses to parental requests lately. After dozens of "why" and "do I have to," Mom and Dad had had enough and started a discussion about obeying...immediately, without 20 questions, and with a cheerful attitude. LOL

My dream is to hear a simple "yes, Mom" or "yes, ma'am" at some point in my life. 

Without attitude or whining.

But, then this hit me between the eyes today...

"The only appropriate answer when we hear God speaking is 'Yes, Lord!'"

*ashamed*

How can I insist on the Vikings obeying under those conditions when I can't do it for God, my Heaven Father?

We have been struggling the last few years. On all fronts. Thought we were obeying. But, maybe the continued struggles and strangulation of our finances and lives has to do more with obedience to God's will.

We've been hemming and hawing around for years with something we've been "pretty sure" we're suppose to do but have never gone through with it. We're finally moving forward. The sense of peace around this is overwhelming.

We've been unable to find a church where we all feel at home. Parents happy but no kids' ministry. Momma and kids are happy but not what Dad wanted. Dad thrilled, kids and Mom OK, but too far away with gas at $4+/gallon. This remains unsolved.

We just don't seem to be hearing from God...or not listening well enough.

And, if He did speak, would I obey immediately...with question...and with a cheerful attitude?

Homesick