It really says that?

I've spent some time over the last couple weeks putting together a Child Training Bible for the Viking Hus. I've often been frustrated while talking over behavior misdeeds, either proactively or after-the-fact, and I can't find a corresponding Scripture to cite. This resource could be the answer to that problem.

As I was taking the time for all the highlighting and tabbing of Scriptures, it occurred to me that the folks at CTB were able to come up with 21 childhood "hot topics" and find several Scriptures about each. Anger, complaining, defiance, fear, fighting, impatience, lying, making excuses, not listening, quarreling, selfishness, tattling...and those are just the ones around here the last few weeks! LOL

People often say that the Bible doesn't speak to modern culture anymore but it has been hit home again and again recently how much *specific* Word is given about situations I'm trying to instruct the Vikings about multiple times per day.

And, then it starts to get *really* uncomfortable...when the Scriptures are used for the "big kids" in the house as well.

Impatience: "Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him. Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way..."

Unforgiveness: "If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents forgive him."

Making excuses: "Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the hearts."

Discouraged: "...My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness..."

Then I begin to wonder who is gonna learn more from this newly organized little book...the Vikings or ME?

Yes, sir!

We've been working on the Vikings' responses to parental requests lately. After dozens of "why" and "do I have to," Mom and Dad had had enough and started a discussion about obeying...immediately, without 20 questions, and with a cheerful attitude. LOL

My dream is to hear a simple "yes, Mom" or "yes, ma'am" at some point in my life. 

Without attitude or whining.

But, then this hit me between the eyes today...

"The only appropriate answer when we hear God speaking is 'Yes, Lord!'"

*ashamed*

How can I insist on the Vikings obeying under those conditions when I can't do it for God, my Heaven Father?

We have been struggling the last few years. On all fronts. Thought we were obeying. But, maybe the continued struggles and strangulation of our finances and lives has to do more with obedience to God's will.

We've been hemming and hawing around for years with something we've been "pretty sure" we're suppose to do but have never gone through with it. We're finally moving forward. The sense of peace around this is overwhelming.

We've been unable to find a church where we all feel at home. Parents happy but no kids' ministry. Momma and kids are happy but not what Dad wanted. Dad thrilled, kids and Mom OK, but too far away with gas at $4+/gallon. This remains unsolved.

We just don't seem to be hearing from God...or not listening well enough.

And, if He did speak, would I obey immediately...with question...and with a cheerful attitude?

One of my saddest days.

I had one of the very best grandmas. Ever.

Granny B. was a classy lady who lived through some pretty difficult stuff. The one that sticks with me most is that she outlived two husbands - one who died suddenly when her kids were still

little and another on Christmas Day many years later when I was in high school.

Despite stories I heard to the contrary, my experience remained that she never, ever was anything but a classy, positive, faith-filled lady.

She grew up a lady from a good family who attended a Catholic college and graduated in 1941. During those college years, she appeared in

modeling jobs in the photos you see here today.

She was her grandbabies' ever-present cheerleader. She was present for a ton of concerts, plays, performances, and church services in which we all appeared. As far as I could tell, there was nothing in the world I could have ever done that would have dim my apparent perfect-ness in her eyes.

When I had only known my future hubby 5 weeks, I asked her how would I know if he really was "the one"? With a twinkle in her eye, she just smiled and said "you'll know." And, she was right.

She got to meet DaHubby and attended our wedding the following year. She got to hold Flicka when she was a few months old and it was captured in a "four generations" picture I treasure.

Seven years ago today, she opened her eyes in Heaven. I miss her so.

Laughing Without Fear?

As seen on Focus On The Family's Facebook page...

What "obedience" means?

I'm starting the Priscilla Shirer study Discerning the Voice of God at my new church. And, when I sat down to do my homework tonight, the word "obedience" kept jumping out at me.

We are still working through the first five lessons but belief that God still speaks, that one must expect God will speak, and one must be obedient to hear God speak have been the general theme.

So, I sat down and used "obedience" as a mnemonic to review the things we talked about so far...

O bey His will
B elieve in God's goodness
E xpect to hear from Him in His timing
D evote time to spend with Him
I mmerse yourself in His Word
E ntrust your troubles to Him
N uture and serve those around you while you wait
C ommune with Him and other believers
E mbrace what's going on NOW while you are waiting

Just wanted to share.

My Worry List

I recently started a Bible study through the new church we've been attending since school started. Having participated in our former church's women's ministry and its "Just For Joy" Bible studies, including some by Beth Moore and Priscilla Shirer, it seemed familiar to take "Discerning the Voice of God" by Shirer this fall.

While there are a lot of REALLY good nuggets (and I'm only two days into the homework), one particular exercise has hit me hard...the "worry list."

"...make a list of personal circumstances troubling you. As you work through this Bible study, focus on these circumstances and how God is speaking to you concerning them."

Didn't seem too difficult. And, we've had and have A LOT of worries the last few years. I was able to write a lengthy list.

But...then came another instruction the following day.

"Look back at the list you made...place a plus sign beside the ones in which you are patiently waiting to hear from God and a minus sign beside the ones in which you have taken action before hearing from Him."

Uh-oh.

Here I am thinking I've really learned to depend on God and to listen to His leadings the last few years. Well, I have...but only to a point apparently.

As I looked down the list of 8 major things I stress about regularly, only two had plus signs by them.

*sigh*

Now, to keep myself accountable for being aware and alert for His voice and to be thankful for the things He does provide, I've kept dates and circumstance that follow that stand as a testament of how God is not only hearing me but He is taking care of things despite my lack of listening.

And, if He is already doing THAT much for me, how much better would it be if I actually STOPPED and LISTENED to Him back?

I'm praying that this study continues to open up these kinds of doors for me. I'd love to have the confidence like that I see in others that I'm truly, sincerely, honestly hearing God speak and that I'm responding to His plan for me and my family.

Square, Level, and Plumb

We've been at our new address here in Illinois for about 7 weeks. Lots of unpacking, purging, cleaning, and hanging stuff up going on.

Despite the gender stereotypes, I have no talent and no real interest in house decorating. The extent of my need to decorate usually entails covering windows with curtains so I don't feel like I'm living in a fishbowl or, not liking a blank wall and finding something to put something on it. LOL Generally, DaHubby and I work as a team to sort out what goes where.

One thing I never try to do alone is hang pictures. If I did it solo, the wall would end up looking like a half-done demolition project with a large, crooked photo put up on the wall with tape and a couple push pins.

DaHubby has a better eye for all things square, level, and plumb so I'm generally standing at the wall, too close to tell what's going on, responding to his directions of "a little to the left" and "push that corner up just a bit" as he stands back and sees the whole picture and wall. I trust what he tells me and it always turns out perfect.

So why can't we trust God the same way with our lives?

We are too close, focused on the little details while He has the whole "wall" in His sights. If we could only listen to his "a little to the left" and " up a bit on the right," we could have faith that it would always turn out perfect.

Trust God's plan and His direction and your "picture" should turn out square, level, and plumb enough to give Him all the glory He deserves! :)

Wider Margins

Transition time.

Those are often words that strike fear into the heart of any mom occasionally. Tranistions are prime and ripe for a battle of wills or temper tantrum.

We become experts at trying to get ahead of the curve. We give time warnings: "you have 5 minutes left to play before we have to leave." We make it a game: "it's time to clean up. The first one done gets a prize." We remind: "you only have 10 minutes so don't start a new game."

At one point when the Vikings were smaller and I was weary from being the focus of "transitional wrath," I finally got some success with carrying a timer everywhere we went. LOL "When the timer goes off, it's time to go" so it became the timer that was the taskmaster and not me.

But, big shocker, adults often have trouble with transitions too. Particularly those of us blessed with some non-linear, out-of-the-box thinking with ADD/ADHD.

Someone recommended to me "If I'm Diapering a Watermelon, Then Where'd I Leave the Baby?: Help for the Highly Distractible Mom" by Carol Barnier. it's a quick read of about 100 pages but it's full of ideas for helping distractible moms cope and excel with their particular gifts.

One chapter is on margins. Barnier's definition of margin is the space that exists between our resources (including time) and our commitments of those resources. And, she argues that we moms tend to live "every hour of every day so packed from start to finish that there is no margin for error or change or spontaneity."

I know I'm not the only one who struggles with this. And, this is where I see my problems with impatience the most.

Transition times are killer for me and, as a result, a big source of stress. I have a plan most days. And, even if I plan for some delay, inevitably there's something unexpected. For an ADD-er trying to keep a grip on life with a set-out plan to cover all the bases and make sure nothing is forgotten, a deviance from said plan tends to throw me into a tizzy. And, tizzy = impatience to get BACK ON TRACK!

So, at Barnier's behest, I'm trying to have fewer things in my day and greater margins. She has four main suggestions:

1. Shoot for early. If you know it takes 10 minutes to get out the door, set a timer for 20 because something WILL happen...a diaper will leak, something will be spilled, someone will forget something. And, if all DOES go well and you arrive way ahead of the others, you have found the added benefit of being able to be of service to someone else setting things up! But, even if your time is not needed in that way, you may find time for something unthinkable...time to chat, talk, tell jokes, or just visit!

2. Home sweet home. Barnier suggests we need to start worrying less about what our kids might be missing. We, as a parenting culture, are overextending them and their schedules to a ridiculous, un-keepable pace. I know it's shocking, especially with the community we just moved from, but my kids have never played soccer! Or any organized team sport. *gasp*

The question becomes where do you want to live? Do you live at home? Or is home just a refueling zone between activities? We have deeply found this to be true with this recent move. While I loved the activities and groups we were involved with in Michigan, can I be transparent and say, with all due respect, there was a wonderful lack of pressure and slower pace moving to Illinois. Not just because we moved to a rural community of 3100 people in about a 2 square mile town but because we had no commitments, no where to be, no watching the clock, no playdates, no coordinating schedules. My phone barely rings now - and when it does, it's either my husband or one of the grandparents checking in on us.

And, I've stumbled onto a trick of sorts. It works really well with my ADD. The big trick? I blame my hubby. LOL As someone who tended to get over committed on a regular basis, I needed a polite way to basically say "no" or "I don't know" or "can I check my schedule" without it seeming like an unintentional brush off. I blame it on DaHubby. And, he blames it on me. So, now when someone asks me to do something, I generally say "I need to check with (DaHubby) and I'll get back to you." And, I make sure I DO get back with them. I can barely keep track of what I'm doing this afternoon much less a week or month in the future. This way I have time to check my calendar and double-check with DaHubby that there's not something else going on that I've forgotten about or conflicts logistically with the request.

Barnier says "jealously guard your time with your family. And don't feel the need to apologize for it...Never apologize for putting your investments where they can make an eternal difference - in your family."

3. Learn to Love Boredom. I know this goes against most parenting advice out there these days but...our kids do NOT need us to keep them entertained every moment of every day. Constant stimulation is NOT a good thing. Everyone needs down time, time to reflect, digest, and contemplate. Barnier suggests declaring a Boredom Day - no computer, no tech, no TV, no friends over. They may whine initially but, she argues, sooner or later they will allow themselves to be motivated by the boredom and come up with some amazing and creative things. Learn to love boredom. Even seek it out.

4, Schedule laughter. Don't forget to stop and laugh occasionally. It's Biblical (the Proverbs 31 woman LAUGHS). And, it's medical (a Loma Linda Univeristy study demonstrated that the act of luaghing increased disease-fighting white blood cells by 25 percent). Set time aside to watch funny shows, play games, whatever tickles your funny bone.

All of these things are designed to give you some elbow room emotionally and spiritually speaking so you have great margins and more peace in your home.

Gratitude. Patience. Love.

I have a real problem with patience.

No, seriously.

It's probably the one greatest (non-physical) thing I would change about myself. It's the biggest fault that ties all my other foibles together.

And, while I know my impatience stains and strains nearly every aspect of my life (my faith, my parenting, my marriage, friendships, self-concept, etc.) I was pulled up short last week by a blog post by Ann Voskamp, author of "One Thousand Gifts."

As described in 1 Corinthians, Ann posited that while love is kind, not jealous, does not brag, not arrogant - it is first patient!

We know that the greatest of faith, hope, and love is LOVE. And, the greatest trait of love is PATIENCE.

Ann goes on further to say love walks with patience when it is first GRATEFUL for what is present in each moment.

"Lack gratitude - then lack patience - then, ultimately, lack love."

I love my kids. I love my hubby. So why are they most often the target for my impatience?

And, instead of working on my faith, my parenting, my marriage, and my friendships like they are all separate balls to be anxiously juggling, I could just work on being grateful.

No, REALLY grateful. Even for the tough stuff.

Even if it means being grateful for the kids challenging my authority - I want independent, curious, thoughtful thinkers, right?

Or, for my husband to challenge my decisions, question my motives, ask me to explain (again) my thinking because iron sharpens iron and he is looking out for me.

Or, for a pastor who asks me to really think about what I believe about God, the Bible, and what a fellowship of believers really looks like.

Gratitude about the muddy feet, broken toys, and spilled juice.

Thankfulness for temper tantrums, sassy children, and sibling bickering.

Appreciate disruptions, interruptions, and unending questions.

Gratitude brings patience. And, patience begets true love. And, ultimately, I want a house filled with True Love.

Establish my heart

Establish my heart, oh Lord...

Take me
Make me
Re-make me
Into that which glorifies You

Asking You in
Asking You near
Knowing You were there already
But I was afraid

Peel away
Burn away
Yank away
All that keep me from You.

Strengthen me
Purify me
Validate me
for Your service.

You also be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand. James 5:8

Simplicity Training

As with most challenges in life, you tell yourself (or someone else tells you) that these troubles are here for a reason and that you'll look back some day and see the bigger reason. Usually, it takes a pretty good chunk of time for that to happen but the older I've gotten the more I realize it is true.

Sometimes the meaning sneaks up on you and comes to the surface when you least expect it. Other times it hits you in a flash while you are looking up, watching clouds while your children play.

I've already learned thankfulness about our situation the last few years despite sacrifices of time and money, of my marriage and my relationship with my kids, of my husband's job, of health insurance, and having to live on assistance from others. We've seen an outpouring of care, interest, and support unlike anything we've experienced before and have had our faith reinforced in a way we never could have understood otherwise. And, we are VERY grateful because of it.

However, this 3-year refining has gotten us back to basics. And, this is where my little revelation comes in. Had not God taken each and everything little and big thing away in just the manner He did, we could never had really appreciated the beautiful, hyper-present, in-the-moment, vivid, joyful moments we've had in the last week.

The last seven days have been heart-wrenchingly wonderful. And, it's been moments of simplicity...root beer floats at the parade, playing in the rain, riding bikes and scooters, taking hikes, small-town fireworks...but we are doing it together. For the first time in six months, we've all been under the same roof for more than 48 hours.

And, our little one-bedroom apartment that we are in right now? Probably the biggest blessing of all. Because we are all getting to know each other again as a foursome. Just us.

And, that bigger three-bedroom rental house that should be ready for us soon? I've actually thought we should let the deposit and that house go so we can stay here together even longer.

And, those 3 years of learning what is *really* important and what we *really* need to survive and thrive? Training for the joyfulness that is ours now.

Mercies in Disguise?

We've been through a lot these last few years. Our lessons have been in patience, waiting for God's timing, faith in His promises, and trust in His provision. And, He has kept every last one - just not always as we expected.

It's been a refining time. Our belief is stronger; our faith is deeper. But, we've learned that that doesn't happen with simply reading the Word and/or attending church. Or, by simply trying to "be a good person."

It has come from pain, discomfort, friction, stress...and the ways in which each are handled.

At this point in our travels, it's very hard for me to listen to this song without sobbing by the end. LOL But, it so perfectly puts into words much of what we've painfully learned since 2008.

And, if anyone is unable to hear or make out all the lyrics, I've copied them below...



We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

(Chorus)
'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if the thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

Chorus

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home

Chorus

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

Getting Enough

How much is "enough"? How much 'til one is happy? Or, how little does one need to be content?

As I mentioned yesterday, we've been slowly shedding things and attitudes the last year or so. While it has often lightened our hearts and shown us what's truly important, we are still swimming against the tide of popular beliefs.

I've sat in different combinations of moms this last year or so hearing about how crazy someone's schedule is, how unhappy they are that their family never has time together, how they wished they could stop but just couldn't. To which my mind quietly asks "why not?"

I've listened to other moms explaining about they couldn't POSSIBLY drop this or that activity or sport to do more of the things they *know* they should be doing like mentoring/discipling their kids, praying individually and as a family, serving others as an example and/or as a family because what would their friends, neighbors, kids, etc. think!? To which my mind whispered to me "so what?"

We've had many material things taken from our hands in the last year or so which has caused us to look at what we *really* have and what we *really* need. And, given an opportunity to "splurge" around my birthday earlier this month, I struggled to supply gift ideas for something I wanted. Even after everything that's happened, there was nothing I could think of that I needed.

Then I saw this quote in a Bible study I've been doing since the beginning of the year.

"There are two ways to get enough. One is to continue to accumulate more and more. The other is to desire less." - GK Chesterton.

Which would you choose?

And, as things begin to improve during 2011 and 2012, Lord, let us use these additional resources You've provided wisely. Keep us from reverting back to our former paths of comsumerism and needing this and that that counts nothing to eternity.

Still in a season of pruning

As one has probably noticed, my blogging has become sporadic the last year or so.

DaHubby was in school full time while still working full time for nearly two years. We didn't see him much. Then, as DaHubby's hours got cut in 2009, our financial problems became more worrisome. Then, in February 2010, our finances went into "panic mode" when DaHubby was laid off. DaHubby graduated in May of 2010. But, the layoff stretched into 3...then 6...then 9 months when we finally got word he'd been chosen for a new job...that started 3 months later in January of 2011.

So, the week after last Christmas, DaHubby moved two states away for this new job. Due to our mortgage, the housing market in Michigan, and our desire that Flicka remain in school as long as possible, we decided that the Vikings and I would remain here. We've been living apart with the occasional weekend visits for 3 months. And, it really stinks. LOL

And, yet, through it all, God has sustained us. From when DaHubby went back to school the summer of 2008 up through this month, we have been stunned silent and brought to tears by the generosity, caring, and service of people all around us. There are more stories than I have room for here but I have no doubt that it has been God's hand working in His perfect timing.

While much has been showered us, God has still seen fit for things to be stripped away. The easiest process to see was financially. We lived nearly an entire year on $350/month unemployment and whatever else we could scrape up or shake loose. There is no other explanation than God that we have incurred NO NEW DEBT and are still current on ALL our bills.

But, God's been stripping us of other things as well. Life is much simpler now. We haven't been able to afford eating out, vacations, traveling, new gadgets, big birthday parties, classes for the kids, sports, or a big Christmas. We do more with less and spend more time doing things around the house together. My house is never clean but it has definitely been well lived in these last few years.

Our confidence has been shaken and our faith stretched. We've learned what it REALLY means to "let go and let God." Nearly all of our control was taken out of our hands at one point or another. We've had to real focus on what do we really fear and why are we so worried and anxious about things. We've seen prayers answered in heart-stopping ways. We've had to learn that GOD is enough. He is all we need.

I wish I had been documenting all this along with way but I was just unable to. My mind has been swirling for way too long and I was just to focused on the short-term survival of my family.

And, yet, we're starting to see the end of our wilderness, the light at the end of the tunnel. Sometime in the next 3 months, the Vikings and I will join DaHubby in Illinois. We will leave our beloved Michigan for a new adventure. We know that this is where God is leading us but the way is still scary and there's still a long way to go before things begin to balance out.

But, we're still standing! And, more importantly, we're still believing!

Walking Away

I tend to talk...a lot. LOL And, I tend to work things out in my head by talking them through with someone. I've learned this about myself and I am blessed to have a couple trusted friends and family I talk to when coming up on big decisions.

Then, due to my ADD, I tend to speak first and think later. LOL And, because of that, I tend to obsess about losing friends due to my ADD due to interrupting/impulse problems, forgetfulness of details, and just generally socially awkward.

But, sometimes the ADD is a blessing...and my brain surprises me with some raw insight.

I was chatting with someone from church tonight about our current living situation with the kids and I here and DaHubby in Illinois. It's been a rough week here at the Viking Hus - we've hit a type of wall with regards to missing DaHubby. We were running pretty smoothly until the last few days when everything kinda fell apart.

I described my surprise at how much harder this season is than I expected and my frustration and how anxious I am to get over there to DaHubby. Then, I surprised myself by saying "y'know, I don't even wanna pack. There's nothing really in the house I can't do without. I'm tempted to just leave it all there and just GO!"

And, my brain went "WHOA" for a second.

If there were no negative consequences to DaHubby's new employment or our combined financial lives, I'm really tempted to just walk away from this house and all its STUFF!

My latest Bible study has been a book called "Becoming a Woman of Simplicity." We've had conversations about our schedules, our kids' schedules, our homes, etc. We've talked about our goals and our dreams about what "simplicity" would look like for each of us but this comment really caught me unawares about what is really going on in my head. LOL

So, now I ponder what it all really means.

Shaken and Refined

The last year has been one of change for the Viking Hus.

DaHubby was laid off in February from a place he had worked at for nearly 20 years.

I worked outside the home for the first in a long time in March and April.

DaHubby graduated in the top 5 of his class in May with a degree in his new field.

Flicka began all-day school in September.

After many interviews and some traveling, DaHubby finally landed a job in October (I think) but it didn't start 'til January.

I worked outside the home again in November and December.

DaHubby moved to another state in December while the Vikings and I continue to hold down the fort here in Michigan.

The layoff has brought a shaking to our finances, our marriage, our friendships, our extended family, and to our parenting of the Vikings. It has seemed like God was slowly taking away bit by bit and refining what remained all year.

We've learned how much we can count on each other.

We've learned how much farther we can stretch a dollar. LOL

We've learned we are incredibly blessed with extended family and friends as well as having awesome church family.

We've learned how little we truly need to live.

We've learned to be happy with less and enjoy the simple things more.

We've learned that "keeping up with the Jones" is a lie of the devil and that our only focus should be on things eternal.

We've learned that being "weird" is better than going into debt.

We've had opportunity to discuss with the Vikings a neat and novel concept called delayed gratification. LOL

We've been able to show the Vikings why waiting and then paying saved-up cash is better.

We've learned that eating out is most often a waste and very rarely tastes as good as home cooking.

We've learned that even if we don't have money, we can still serve our church and community using our time and talents.

We've learned that no matter how little we have financially that we still can afford to give and tithe.

We've learned to *really* and "truly* lean on God's provision and on His timing.

We've learned to swallow our pride.

We've learned there is no shame in asking for help.

And, while DaHubby is now working full time, we are not just suddenly out of the proverbial woods. We still have a bit of a long road back to complete financial "peace" again not to mention we have to get our family living in the same home again. But, it's coming.

The work isn't done. Mid-2011 is a line-in-the-sand of sorts. And, as a result, 2012 is gonna look a heck of a lot different than 2010 did.

And, my prayer is that we will remember and take all these lessons into that new life. That we will remember this valley as a time of testing that God, our families, and our friends carried us through. That we will remember what is truly important and not fill our new life with all the junk we just painfully spent the last few years shedding. LOL

Amen! Let it be so!

Horoscope Hubbub

You never want to say "good luck" to DaHubby. LOL It's a pet peeve of his. His typical short retort is "no such thing as luck" but the longer response will get you an earful about God being all-powerful and, if you truly believe that, He's in control of all things at all times so there is no "luck." Things happen with His guidance and direction.

So, I think I've now found my equivalent pet peeve.

I've been hearing all over the internet and Facebook today about those upset with the change in the astrological signs.

"I've been a Leo all my life - I'm not changing NOW!"

"Once a Sagittarius, always a Sagittarius."

*sigh* Seriously, people...well, to be more specific, I'm talking to just those that identify themselves as Christians. If you've accepted Christ, been baptized according to the tradition of your particular denomination, or have whatever is required for you to declare publicly your faith in Christ and believe that He is holy and the all-powerful God of the universe and in control of your life and this world...why are you worried about horoscopes and/or what sign you were or are now?!?

In the interest of being real, I struggle with worry and anxiety...a lot. Technically, simplistically, and Biblically, those struggles are nothing more than a lack of faith. If one believes God is in control of all things, there should be no worry and anxiety as one rests in God's loving care and direction. So, I'm not throwing stones or pointing fingers but this horoscopes thing *really* gets under my skin for some reason.

The only Truth for a believer is the Bible. Period. No star charting, no signs, no fortune telling or casting of runes.

Secondly, I'm kinda offended by the assumption that God would go through so much thought and care for knit me in my mother's womb to make me just like everyone else who was born at the same time of the year.

So, I politely suggest to my fellow followers of Christ to perhaps consider today...who or what directs your course? Who or what makes the grand plans for your life? Whose or what advice are you following to make decisions about your day?

Are you living in the knowledge of who you are according to the stars or in Christ - the One who made the stars?

A Well-Needed Reminder

DaHubby and I married in 2001. We were 32. So, after the whirlwind courtship, the 11 months of wedding planning, and then the ceremony, we deemed it appropriate to jump right in with the whole makin' babies thing. (Don't worry - this is a family-friendly blog. That's as far as that chain of thought is gonna go. LOL)

However, as 2001 ended, we were completely obsessed with temperature taking, charting my cycles, and the like but still were baby-less.

Then, 2002 moved through spring, summer, and into fall. Still no luck and then we were mending our broken hearts over our first miscarriage. In the midst of that grief, I rededicated my life to the Lord and was re-baptized for the first time as an adult.

By 2003, I was completely undone again. I felt like God had left me where I was - childless and alone. It was hurting my health, my spirit, my mind, my faith, and (if I had to be honest) probably my marriage. I was depressed, gaining weight - which ironically worsened our chances of conceiving.

I remember crying at the sight of babies. Being unable to attend baby showers. Unable to hold a baby. Feeling like an awful person when I couldn't manage to be happy for yet another friend or acquaintance who was pregnant. I remember being livid at stories of parents mistreating their children. Every month was yet another disappointment. I felt like a failure. My body was betraying what I thought was my God-designed purpose.

I remember a call to prayer around that time at the church we attended. In the middle of praying about something completely unrelated, I fell apart. I recall laying on the floor face down just sobbing. My heart didn't know what to pray anymore so I just cried and repeated over and over and over "Your will be done, Lord, Your will be done."

I had been praying for over 2 years. Twenty-five cycles I spent praying for just one tiny miracle. "Let me, Lord. Please. I won't complain. I'll love him/her. Raise he/she right and to serve You. I've truly realized what a miracle it would be. I would never, ever take it for granted."

Then, the Lord granted my prayer. We found out we were pregnant in July. And, Flicka was born in March 2004. They said "take her home and love her. You'll probably never conceive again."

And, yet, I began to complain. Flicka was a colicky baby. Spent most of her first 8 weeks screaming whenever she was awake. I spent days wondering "what about ME, Lord? I'm tired!" And, even when God blessed me again with my second miracle, despite my whining and complaining, it was hard to feel grateful at the time as I was still nursing a 15 month old. After Pojke was born in 2006, I began to take it for granted.

So, six years later and earlier this week, I found myself undone again. The ongoing stress and strain of the last 2 years of DaHubby's schooling; the stress and strain of him being laid off in February and surviving on $350/week unemployment; and then the stress and strain of 2 very opinionated, also stressed out kids blowing major tantrums, ignoring me, and being generally rude - I just shut down...and cried.

"I can't do this anymore, Lord."

And, He reminded me yesterday..."But, you prayed for this."

And, I cried again. I was so embarrassed and ashamed before the Lord.

"Yes, Lord, I know. I prayed for..."

the temper tantrums
the mess
the hysterical hyena laughing that sets my teeth on edge
the non-stop talking
the unending questions
the interruptions
the pigpen rooms
the fussy eating
the momma body
the chauffeuring

"I prayed for it all. I also prayed for..."

the constant band-aid dependency
the midnight wake-up calls
the sleep deprivation
the stacks of sticky, dirty, stained laundry
the overnight "accidents"
the 2am calls to the pediatrician
the ER runs
the gum in the hair
the ruined clothes from marker fights
the whining

"Yes, Lord. I asked for all this. I even prayed for..."

the preschool attitude
the kindergarten "Diva" 'tude
the stomping of feet
the awkward questions in public
the embarrassments in stores
did I mention the tantrums?
the sibling bickering
the sibling big time baby-wrestling
the plaster ripped from the wall
the broken curtain rod

And, I even prayed for...

the "clingies"
the little person version of nagging ("Mom? Mom? Mommy? Ma? Mumma?" Repeat ad nauseum)
the God-knows-what in someone's ears
the who-know-what in someone's nose
and, the last night runs for Tylenol or Benedryl

Help me, Lord.

Just like I'm thankful for DaHubby because I vividly remember my awful single days, I just needed to be reminded where I was before God provided me with not one but TWO miracles in my life.

What would my life be like without the Vikings? My heart breaks to even think about it.

But, to remain in a state of thankfulness and gratitude, I also need to remember that I can't do this momma-parenting thing all alone.

I need Him.

Help me, Lord.

Psalms 46:1 ...God [is] our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble.

ASL-induced clarity

I've been taking classes in American Sign Language at our local YMCA for about 8 weeks. We've gotten through the basics: family relations, pronouns, and everyday words for introductory conversation.

The last two weeks, however, we've been going through the "religious" words. Spirit, salvation, worship, bless, anoint, holy, sin, grace, hallelujah, baptize, etc. plus the signs for several denominations like Catholic, Jewish, AG, Episcopal, Lutheran, Methodist, Quaker, SDA, LDS, and Church of God.

But two in particular really struck me tonight.

The first is "crucify". Your thumbs go into your opposite palms like nails and then are "driven in" with a fist. There's something about signing that over and over and over for practice that drove home a real "ah ha" moment tonight. Picturing those nails...not to mention His life...all done for little ol' me.

The second was the sign for "sacrifice" and "give". They are very similar - the only difference is the way they begin. "Sacrifice" begins with both hands in a "S" of finger spelling at chest level and then you move your hands forward as if you are offering someone something. The tricky part, our instructor said, often is to remember to open your hands..."sacrifice doesn't work unless you open your hands to let it go."

Wow!

How many times do we think we are giving something or of ourselves but never truly let go? Is it really a sacrifice for someone or, better yet, for God if we never truly let go of whatever it is?

I've heard it preached that God can handle your "baggage" but you have to give it to Him, let it go, and you can't pick it back up!! Praise God that this is true.

So, tonight, I'm remembering my Lord's true "sacrifice" for me through him being "crucified", nails driven through His hands and dying for me to allow me to let go of that baggage and find new life in Him.

Amen!

Sunday's Dangerous Tidbits

This is how our Sunday message started out today:

Which is more dangerous: James Bond or Jack Bauer?
Which is more dangerous: Peyton Manning or Brett Farve?
Which is more dangerous: Hulk Hogan or our middle school pastor (LOL)?

What does it mean to be a dangerous believer?
What might it cost you?
Paul knew:

"Five times I received from the Jews thirty-nine lashes. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, a night and a day I have spent in the deep. I have been on frequent journeys, in dangers from rivers, dangers from robbers, dangers from my countrymen, dangers from the Gentiles, dangers in the city, dangers in the wilderness, dangers on the sea, dangers among false brethren; I have been in labor and hardship, through many sleepless nights, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure." 2 Corinthians 11.24-27

And, this is how the message ended:

1. Will I live safely for myself or dangerously for God?
2. What dangerous lifestyle is God calling me to?
3. What skills/knowledge is required for me to become dangerous?
4. How will I acquire this skill/knowledge?
5. Who in my life needs to be rescued?

So, are you gonna stay safe?
Or are you gonna live step out in faith and live dangerously for God?