I'm having a really hard time staying positive lately. My everyday life just seems one struggle after another with one overemotional, anxious kindergartener and one loud and sassy preschooler. No matter what we've tried, nearly every decision, every transition, every event is met with defiance at worst and whining/crying at the most irritating.
To be honest, doing Thanks Tank has become a bit of a chore. I don't FEEL like searching for a few glimmers of hope much less have the time to do so when everything is taking twice as long as planned.
But, I think that's the point.
I know I'm blessed. I feel guilty constantly that I'm not more thankful, that I find it so difficult to write these posts lately. It' feels nearly impossible for me to get out-of-the-chaotic-moment and raises my eyes...much less raise them to the hill from where my Help comes.
But, I have to.
I've had more "momma time" than usual lately with the complete upending of our schedule with Flicka starting kindergarten and DaHubby returning to school for fall semester. I've carved out 3 hours of time each week (coincidentally all on Wednesday) where I am kid-free and able to get join with some of my new church's folks and read/listen/watch in two new classes.
That momma/church time along with DaHubby's unwavering ability to make me laugh - even after only 5 hrs of sleep - are what's keeping me sane.
Some other "perks" to the week? The last 10 minutes of the drive to Flicka's school is just BEAUTIFUL in all its Michigander wonderfulness! LOL Trees are changing color, the morning fog, the turkeys or deer in the field, the winding road, the rising sun all lift my spirit to face the upcoming drama of trying to pry Flicka out of the van once we reach her school. LOL
And, finally, that while our poor garden didn't do very well this summer, what onions, peppers, and tomatoes we *did* manage to save are making a WONDERFUL freezer salsa that we're eating nearly as fast as I can make it! LOL
Mostly everything else is in a state of upheaval but a routine will come (one can only hope! LOL) in the next few weeks.
So, for more TTT, check out Pam's musings and thankfulness here.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
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2 comments:
I just wanted to say that I appreciate your honesty. Being a Christian isn't always rosy and fun and happy. Sometimes it's hard to make the effort.
I know first-hand how hard it is to have a child not want to go to school. I know exactly how it feels to hear her screaming "Mommy" as I walk away and leave. I will probably never forget one particular day last year walking down the hallway of her preschool, secretly pregnant with miserable morning sickness, and hearing her screaming my name, as the teachers held her back. I couldn't turn around and look because I wouldn't have made it out the door. I'm not a crier at all, but I bawled all the way home. I really didn't think we'd make it for a while, but it got much better...and eventually she wouldn't even stop to say goodbye before running in to play. It will get easier. It will.
Until then, let me know if you ever just need to vent to someone who completely gets this particular situation.
{{{Beth}}}
Hang in there! But you're able to remember how blest you are...just keep that in the forefront of your mind and you'll be fine.
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